


Lost and Found

by ariapassionflower01



Category: Tokio Hotel
Genre: AU, Angst, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Drama, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, First Time, M/M, twincest not related
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-23
Updated: 2014-01-23
Packaged: 2018-01-09 17:44:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 41,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1148971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariapassionflower01/pseuds/ariapassionflower01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>17 year old Bill Trumper ran from his Magdeburg home two years ago, leaving without a trace. Private investigator Tom Kaulitz is hired by Bill's mother, Simone, and his stepfather, Gordon, to find him after all police attempts have failed. Tom quickly becomes invested in what becomes a six month long investigation in a search for a boy who was abused, misunderstood, and riddled with guilt. However, when Tom finally finds Bill, he's nothing like he expected, and neither are his feelings towards the younger man. Determined to help heal Bill emotionally, while keeping his own feelings contained, Tom finds himself drawn into an alluring relationship. But what will happen if Bill finds out the real reason for Tom being in his life?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Mothers and Sons

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much to princesskay for reading it first and urging me on. Also thanks goes to the wonderfully talented fyredancer for always inspiring me and making me raise the bar on myself:))))

The house was immaculate but signs of life and love, the personalities of the people who lived there, were well imprinted upon each room. It smelled like spices and rose-scented candles.   
Tom Kaulitz decided, as he entered, that the people here were kind and loving. That made the reason for his being here all the more hard. He reminded himself, once more, that he had chosen this job. Or had it chosen him? Either way, he hadn't had choice.  
“Mr. Kaulitz.” The woman at the table greeted him, smiling widely. It was a brilliant smile, full of white, sparkling teeth, however, Tom could see it waver slightly. He could sense the fragility lying behind the strongly built facade. “I'm glad you could come today.” She said, standing and holding out a thin, pale hand. Tom took it and shook softly, afraid that he might break the delicate hand. She appeared so porcelain.   
“We appreciate it.” A gruffer voice accompanied and Tom found his other client hovering close by.   
“I don't usually make house calls.” Tom said, although he did not condemn them. He had an office that most of his clients came to but Simone Trumper, and her husband, Gordon, had been persuasive. Simone had insisted that their case was special, or rather, the subject of the upcoming investigation was “special.” Tom had heard those words before, and although he tried to make each case equally as important as the next, this proclamation rang especially true. Hence, he had found himself in the Trumper home, looked upon by inquiring and hopeful eyes.   
“I know.” Simone said with a gracious smile, “But I wanted to show you some things.”  
“All right then.” Tom said, shifting on his feet.   
“Oh, and...” Simone's face fell a bit, “We have an unexpected guest here as well...” Her voice trailed into nothing and she glanced over at Gordon, a strand of her thick, dark hair falling in her honey brown eyes.   
Gordon frowned, and folded his arms.   
“I'm sorry,” Tom said, feeling a bit awkward, “If this isn't a good time...”  
“No.” Simone contradicted. “He became because of you.  
“Oh.” Tom said, raising his brows. “I thought that you two were the only clients. These investigations are confidential.”  
“He's Bill's father.” Simone spit out suddenly, as if she feared and hated to say it all at once.  
“Oh.” Tom replied once more, unsure of what to say in response. He had known that Gordon was only the boy's stepfather, but he hadn't been aware that the biological father had still been in the picture.   
Simone sighed, “I didn't want him to be here, but... I can't deny him the right. Billy is his son...” She trailed off once more before straightening and squaring her shoulders. “He's in the livingroom.” She stated and quickly glided past Tom, her long, white skirt swirling about her ankles. Gordon raised his brows and followed. Tom chewed at his lower lip and followed suit.   
They entered the livingroom and Tom couldn't help but notice the pictures lining the wall. They were all of a beautiful, cheerful little boy with a smile that almost outmatched his mother's. Bill, Tom thought, frowning as he felt a shudder go through him. How could such a happy child become such an unhappy adult?   
Tom's attention was quickly drawn to the man standing across the room. He had his back turned and his arms were folded, but Tom could already feel the confidence and charisma radiating from him. When he turned, Tom was struck by the handsome face – dark eyes, a long nose, full lips. His expression, however, was black.   
“Jorg,” Simone said, sounding as if she were attempting graciousness. “Mr. Kaulitz is here.”  
“I can see.” Jorg responded, icily, not at all returning Simone's kindness. He quickly dismissed her in return for pinning his wary eyes on Tom. “And what can you do for my son, Mr. Kaulitz, that the police have not done?” His voice was calm, but loud by nature and Tom swallowed, feeling a bit intimidated by this man.   
“I specialize in these cases.” Tom responded, mustering up the courage to speak. “I put as much time and effort in as possible. And I don't shelve cases either.” Tom went on, feeling as if he had to prove himself to Jorg. “Not like the police. There's no such thing as a cold case to me.”  
Jorg raised a skeptical brow but only nodded. “Very well.” He said.   
Irritation flashed across Simone's features and she cut into the exchange. “Shall we sit?”  
Tom took and armchair and Simone and Gordon the couch. Jorg remained by the window, as if presiding over the bleak meeting.   
Tom cleared his throat, deciding that he was going to have to start this conversation himself. “So you said that Bill has been gone for over a year.”  
Simone nodded, “Almost two. Twenty months today.”   
Tom nodded and grabbed his notepad from his pocket. He opened to a new page and began to scratch notes as he asked questions.   
“We thought for a moment that he had been taken.” Gordon said. “And then we found the note.”  
Tom nodded, gravely, “Do you have it?”  
“Yes.” Simone said, and Tom felt compassion towards her as her eyes glistening. She leafed through a pile of papers she had placed on the coffee table. They all concerned Bill, Tom thought. She had gone to great trouble to gather everything she could for him. Tom resolved once more to find her son for her.  
She held out a worn piece of notebook paper to him. The edges were curled and the words were fading as if she had read it many times, running her fingers over the words. Tom took it and read the short note. 

Mama, 

I want to say I'm very sorry for everything. I can't stay here anymore. It hurts too much.   
I need to find a place where I don't have to remember who I am. I don't want to hurt you  
but I must do this. 

Love, your Billy always

Tom felt like a knife had gone through his chest, reading the words that had been written only for Simone, the words that Bill had probably thought over for hours before actually slipping away.  
Tom cleared his throat and said, “This brings a lot of questions to my mind, Mrs. Trumper.”  
Simone nodded, but remained silent.  
“Why did Bill leave?” He asked, softly. “Something must have happened for him to want to forget who he was.”  
Simone nodded and he could see the tears rising in her eyes once more. Gordon reached over and took her hand. He answered for his emotional wife. “Bill had a cousin. They were very close when they were younger, almost like brothers.” He heaved in a sigh. “There was an accident....”  
“An accident.” Tom repeated, feeling his heart tighten. An accident that Bill was no doubt, in some way, responsible for.  
Gordon nodded. “There's a waterfall at the edge of town. The kids like to go there and jump in. Dangerous, obviously. Anyways, Marc didn't want to go, but Bill wanted to. He dared him to jump in and Marc did, but...”   
“He didn't make it back out.” Tom finished quietly.  
Gordon shook his head slowly.  
“It was all an accident.” Simone cried out, as if to defend Bill.  
Tom nodded, and stated firmly, “As I understand it, it was.” He wanted them to know he was on their side, especially skeptical Jorg.   
“Anyways, Bill blamed himself.” Simone said, sniffing softly, “He stopped singing, smiling, laughing....”  
“He was never the same.” Gordon supplied. “It haunted him.”  
“As it would have haunted anyone.” Tom returned. “How old was he when this happened.  
“Twelve.” Simone said. “Bill left on the day after the anniversary of Marc's death.”  
Tom jotted all of this down in short hand, adding in that Bill's decision to leave was based mostly on his guilt over Marc's death. Tom had gathered from the note that Bill loved his mother very much. He had addressed the farewell letter to “Mama” only, including neither Gordon nor Jorg.   
“I think he wants to come back.” Simone said softly. “I think in his heart that he wants to come home. I wake up in the middle of the night sometimes, feeling his heartache...”   
Tom didn't reply to the confession, wondering if Simone only wanted this to be true, as opposed to its actual veracity. Bill had been gone for almost two years, with no sign that he was even anywhere nearby Magdeburg, or even Hamburg.   
“So after you found the note, you called the police.” Tom said.   
“Yes. We wanted to find him right away.”   
Tom nodded. “But they didn't find anything.”  
“There were a few tips that people had seen him in Hamburg, but...” Simone shook her head. “They were either false or Bill had moved on too quickly for them to find him.”  
“How far did they look?” Tom asked.  
“I'm not sure, but we put up posters everywhere. We never stopped looking.”  
“But the police did.” Jorg suddenly cut in, his voice dark. Tom jumped, almost having forgotten his presence. “They just gave up.” He shook his head and muttered, “Unbelievable.”  
“How old was Bill when he left?” Tom asked, feeling uncomfortable with Jorg's hateful attitude, no matter how warranted it was.  
“He was about to turn eighteen.” Simone supplied. “His birthday is on September first.”  
Tom calculated in his head that the accident with Marc had been a month before his birthday, and thus the day of his leaving a month before his birthday. Tom cringed, imaging Simone's tears as the day of her son's birth passed without his presence.   
“So he'll be twenty years old next month.” A smile quavered on her lips. “All grown up...” She whispered before lowering her head to a hide a tear that streak from her eye.   
Tom looked away, down at his notepad. This was always the hardest part, and he wished to God, he could skip it. He scribbled Bill's age on the notepad, frowing in concentration.   
“I wanted to show you a few things.” Simone said at last. “Some of Bill's things.”  
Tom looked up, a bit surprised. Sometimes, the families of runaways were personal about their child's left behind belongings, and feared to even show Tom their rooms, most of them left as they had been upon departure.   
“All right.” He said, shifting in the chair.  
“I want you to see Bill as a person.” Simone said, passionately. “Not a case or an investigation. A person.”  
“Mrs. Trumper, I assure you-”  
She held up a hand. “I want you to see Bill, my Bill.”  
Tom silenced and gave a nod. He had already resigned himself to the fact that this was going to be heartwrenching.  
I kept a picture book of just him when he was younger.” She said, handing it over.   
Tom opened the front cover and found himself smiling softly at a picture of a younger Simone and Jorg huddled around a hospital bed with tiny Bill in Simone's arms. Below the picture was written “Our baby Bill” along with his birth weight and height, and the date – September first.   
The pictures after that were all of a little Bill, growing slightly bigger with each passing page. He was a beautiful child and Tom found himself aching in his heart for Simone.   
He found a picture of Bill singing on a stage and asked Simone about it. She smiled widely and told Tom that Bill was very artistic and had a beautiful voice. They had entered him in contests when was younger, and he had won all of them.   
He also found pictures of Bill and Marc later, frowning deeply at the two boys whose arms were thrown over each other's shoulders as they smiled. The pictures afterwards were fewer and Bill looked less like they happy, angelic child of before. There were no more pictures of Bill singing either.  
Tom noticed that as Bill grew older, his style was becoming more distinct. He liked to wear flashy clothes and Tom was a bit unsettled when he found the first picture of Bill wearing makeup. It was very well done and Tom was immediately drawn to the androgeny of older Bill. He was so beautiful, almost enough to pass for a female. Looking up from the pictures, Tom asked in the kindest voice he could think of, “Is Bill... homosexual?” He quickly added, “Or bisexual?”  
A frown flashed across Simone's face and Tom could almost sense Jorg's mood darkening from across the room.   
“He didn't like to talk about that.” Simone said softly.   
“But... he is?” Tom asked, trying not to push.  
She sighed, “We suspected it, but even when asked, he refused to answer.”   
“There was the incident with that Listing kid.” Gordon grumbled.  
“I'm sorry?” Tom asked, feeling that he was missing something important.  
“Gordon.” Simone admonished softly.  
“He was making out with this kid by the name of Georg Listing.” Gordon clarified. “We caught them.”  
Tom nodded and wrote down the name. “Were they... dating or having a relationship of some kind?”  
“They were friends.” Simone stated, her voice steely.  
“Friends with benefits apparently.” Jorg snapped from across the room. “Damn me that I would have a queer son.” He shook his head.  
“Jorg!” Simone said, sharply.   
“Mrs. Trumper.” Tom cut in. “This could be beneficial. Sometimes teenagers will tell their friends or lovers things that they won't tell their parents – like where they're going to run away to.”   
Simone nodded and lowered her head.   
“Did the police question him initially?”  
“Yes, but they didn't know about... about he and Bill.” Simone said.   
“And he didn't tell them anything?”  
“No.”   
“Is he still around?” Tom asked.  
“Yes.” Simone replied, and quickly supplied the address for Tom.   
“Did Bill have any other friends?” Tom asked.   
“Not really.” Simone shook her head. “Not after Marc...”  
Tom nodded. “I'd like to look at Bill's room, if you don't mind.”  
Simone nodded, as if numbed by the whole conversation. “Its still how it was when he left.” She stood swiftly. “I'll show you up.”  
“I'd like to go alone, if you don't mind.” Tom said, standing as well. Simone paused before saying, “It's upstairs. The door at the end of the hall.”  
“Thank you.” Tom said, making his way towards the staircase. As soon as he was out of the room, he could hear voices start up. He jogged up the stairs, hoping the three of them would not kill each other while he was gone.   
He found the door easily opened it. It was always sad to see a child's room, forever immortalized when the spirit and soul had gone.   
Bill's room was like a typical teenagers – messy. The sheets on the bed were thrown back and rumpled. Tom smiled when he saw the pillowcase had a picture of the popular German artist, Nena, on it. Posters lined the wall, and Tom could see that some of them were even autographed.   
There was a desk that held a notepad and pencils. Tom flipped through the notepad, finding drawings as well as pages of handwritten music. Simone hadn't been lying when she had said that Bill was artistic. He himself, knew the musical scale and he looked over some of the songs, humming the tune to himself. Most of it was sad, however, and he put it away, disturbed by the darkness in Bill's heart.   
He looked in the closets and drawers, finding some of the clothes still there, but a lot of it was gone. Bill had probably packed it up and left.   
Tom looked at everything, not sure what he was going to find. He had, however, found the most helpful things inside bedrooms. People kept parts of themselves in their personal space, especially teenagers – parts that they didn't want anyone to know about.   
Tom came to a bookshelf, and looked over the bindings. There were classics, music theory lessons, history books, books about art... Bill wasn't only artistic – he was smart.   
Tom smiled when he found something a little less educational – romance novels. Girly material, for most seventeen year old boys. Bill, however, had found pleasure in the pages and there was an abundance of them.  
Tom was flipping through the binding when he noticed a book pushed back behind the others. He reached his arm in and snatched the dusty cover. He pulled it out, frowning when he found that it was another romance novel – this one, however, involved two men. Tom sighed, thinking that Simone was terribly naïve. She wanted what was best for her son but she hadn't seen that he was clearly homosexual. And for some reason, Bill had found a need to hide it.  
Contemplatively, Tom flipped through the pages, frowning when he passed by a picture that was pressed between the pages. He went back and pulled it out, and found himself looking at two handsome young men. One was obviously Bill, and from the way he was clinging to the other boy, Tom could only guess that the other was Georg Listing. Tom returned it to its place, and was about to put it back out of reverence when he noticed that that sentences on the pages where they picture had been were underlined in red pen. He opened the book and began to read.

Connor wished more than anything that he could just run away with Samuel. They could   
go to the Americas where everything and everyone was free. In America, Connor thought,   
they would never be judged for who they were.   
Daydreaming, Connor, thought about all the places he had read about. LA sounded  
wonderful. There was sun, a beach, and freedom. If Samuel went with him, it would  
be paradise. 

Tom lifted his eyes and frowned. Instead of replacing the book, he slipped it into his pocket. If Simone hadn't known of its existence in the first place, she wouldn't miss it.   
Tom began to search the rest of the room, wondering if there were any other hidden items. He was searching through the drawer when he noticed that something was sticking up from the corner. Tom pulled on it, finding that he was stuck beneath the bottom of the drawer. He knelt down and looked underneath, but couldn't see anything. Surely, Bill was not canny enough for a fake bottom of a drawer. Tom was proved wrong when he pulled up the bottom of the drawer. He raised his brows when he found an assortment of magazines and DVDs hidden there. He flipped through the magazine, astounded at the gay bondage porn he found within. Bill had not struck him as that kind of a person, but then again, everyone had secrets. The DVDs were of the same material and Tom replaced them this time. Bill's private collection of porn would probably not prove that helpful in finding him and he couldn't hide the items on his body like the little book.   
Tom left the room when he didn't find anything else more useful. As he descended the stairs, the voices in the livingroom quieted. Tom shook his head. The boy had not had much of a chance – family discord, hidden homosexuality, the guilt over his cousin's death. It was all beginning to add up and Tom began to wonder if he really was better off somewhere else. Then he reminded himself that most runaways turned into street walkers and junkies. The thought of Bill being one of those poor, strung- out kids sent an unexpected wave of panic through Tom's chest. He couldn't let that happen to this helpless young man – he just couldn't. For some reason he couldn't explain, he was really beginning to care about Bill, more than any other runaway he had ever chased down.


	2. Lovers and Acquaintances

Georg Listing's house was the complete opposite of the Trumper's. It was a bit ramshackle and the grass had been left to grow up around Tom's ankles. The sidewalk up to the front door was cracked and uneven.  
When Tom rang the door bell, he could hear the bark of a dog begin. A moment later, a strongly built figure headed towards the screen door. It was the beginning of August and it was still hot, and Tom wasn't surprised to see the lean, muscular man shirtless. His face didn't quite fit the body, Tom thought. He recognized him as an older Georg Listing from the picture in Bill's novella. His hair was longer, almost past his shoulders, a soft brown and completely straight.   
“Georg Listing?” Tom asked through the screen door.  
“Who wants to know?” Georg asked, looking at him through the screen with narrowed, hazel green eyes.   
“Tom Kaulitz.” Tom introduced himself. “I'm a private investigator.”  
Georg's brows slanted into a frown before Tom saw the recognition light his eyes. “You're here about Bill.” He said with a sigh.  
“Bill's parents hired me.” Tom explained.  
Georg pulled the door open and stood aside. When Tom stepped in, a friendly black lab trotted up and began to sniff him and lick his hand. Tom leaned down and petted the dog with one hand. “He's a beautiful dog.” He told Georg.  
“Thanks.” Georg replied and led the way to the livingroom where he tossed a few things off the sloping, worn couch. “Can I get you a beer or something?”  
“I'm fine, thank you.” Tom replied.   
Georg nodded and took a seat across from him. The dog whined and put its chin on Georg's knees, looking up at him with big, brown eyes. Georg patted his head, and asked, “So what can I tell you I haven't told the police.”  
“Well, for one...” Tom said, pulling the the picture from Bill's romance novel. He held it up to Georg with an inquiring raised brow.   
Georg stared at the picture as if he were about to be hit by a semi. Tom watched his throat bob before he said, “Uh....”  
“You and Bill were lovers.” Tom concluded softly.   
Georg swallowed once more. “We were kids.” He said at last, his voice rough.   
“I'm not judging you.” Tom said. “Everyone has a right to be happy.”  
Georg's eyes swung to his. “That's what Bill used to say.”  
“Did Bill want you to leave with him?” Tom asked. He had already guessed this from the underlined passages in the book and he wondered how parallel Bill's plans had been to the fictional story.   
“Yeah.” Georg said looking away. “We talked about it all the time. Bill had this dream...” He closed his eyes and shook his head. “I didn't think he would actually do it, and then one day...” He looked back up at Tom, “He was just gone.”  
“So he didn't tell you he was really going to leave.” Tom said.  
“He asked me about a week before.” Georg said. “He was frantic about it, but when I refused, he just cried.” He shook his head. “I felt bad cuz Bill already cried enough as it was. But I just... I couldn't go. I had to take care of my mother and my sister.... My dad died when he was younger and I had gotten a job. I was trying to provide for them and...” His voice trailed away. “I just couldn't. Bill was asking me to choose between him and them... and I couldn't.” He repeated once more and Tom could see the pain in his eyes.   
“No one should be asked to make that kind of decision.” He said, kindly.  
“No one should have to live like Bill.” Georg spat. He sighed, shaking his head again, and making his hair sway like a waterfall in front of one eye. “I let him down, and now I have to live with it. He's never coming back.”  
“How do you know?” Tom asked.  
“Because we swore on it. When we were younger we made a vow that if either of us got out of this shitty town, that we would never come back.”  
“How do you know that Bill left only to find a worse place than this?” Tom asked.   
Georg shook his head. “At least he's away from his dad.” He pushed out of the chair, shooing the dog away. “Look, that's all I know.”  
“His dad?” Tom asked, remaining seated.  
“Yeah, that bastard Jorg.” Georg said.  
“Any reason why Bill would want to get away from him in particular?”   
Georg stiffened, his muscled back drawing tight. “I said that's all I know.” He repeated, more quietly this time.  
“Georg,” Tom said, “I need to know everything I can to find Bill.”  
“Why don't you just let him go?” Georg asked, spinning around. “Why can't any one but me accept that he found a place where he was happy?”  
“Because these stories don't always have a happy ending.” Tom said, firmly, rising from his chair. “Bill could be dead for all you know.”  
“Dead or not.” Georg said. “He's happier than he was here.”  
Tom shook his head. “I don't accept that. I can't when I'm being paid to investigate.”  
“Then do your investigation.” Georg sneered. “Get your money. I don't care. But its time that we all leave Bill the hell alone!” He began to storm away, but Tom followed.   
“LA, Georg. Is that where Bill went?”   
Georg spun around and Tom could see the distress on his face. He had an inkling that he was right, that the answer to the investigation lay in a hidden romance novel.   
“I...” He struggled. “I can't tell you.”  
Tom snatched the book out of his pocket and began to read the section, “LA sounded wonderful. There was sun, a beach, and freedom. If Samuel went with him, it would be paradise.” He stopped, looking up at Georg's stricken expression. “He went to LA didn't he?” Tom asked.   
Georg looked away and Tom said, “I know about you and Bill.... I know about the bondage porn... I know about this book. I will find out what you are hiding, one way or another.”  
Georg swallowed before his eyes flared with fire. “You're right, okay?” He said at last.   
“How?” Tom asked. “How did he get the money? A passport?”  
“From the same guy he got the porn.” Georg replied. “He had connections somehow. All Bill had to do was...” He looked away. “Pose for a few pictures and he was out of here.”  
Tom let out an uneven breath, anger flaring through his chest. A child molester taking advantage of Bill's desire to leave home – how more sickening could this story get?   
“What else aren't you telling me?” Tom asked. “About Jorg?”  
Georg's eyes flickered away. “You tell me, Mr. Smart Investigator. You've figured it out this far.”  
“Abuse?” Tom asked, although he didn't want to believe it.  
Georg frowned, and hardly replied, except for a short nod of his head.  
“Verbal? Physical?” Tom asked, not wanting to ask the last, “Sexual?”  
Georg nodded once more. “All of it.” He said, his jaw clenched. “Simone took him away with her when he was ten.”   
Tom ground his teeth as he recalled Jorg commenting about his “queer son.” The man clearly at no room to talk. Tom wanted to throw him in prison at that very moment, but he knew that he couldn't. There was no clear evidence, and he doubted that Simone would testify. Furthermore, he was missing the subject of the abuse.   
“Have you gotten all you wanted?” Georg asked, sounding spiteful once more.  
“Yes, you've been very helpful.” Tom replied without malice. “Thank you.”  
Georg nodded, but didn't let down his guard as he showed Tom to the door.   
Tom walked back down the cracked sidewalk, his mind full of what he had learned today. It was horrifying, and sad – terribly sad. No one person should be visited by so many griefs. Bill had been only seventeen when he had run, and he had already experienced more heartache than most people twice his age. It wasn't right and Tom was determined more than ever to make it right.


	3. First Meetings and First Impressions

6 months later

The club was packed and an array of colors spilled over the dancing, gyrating bodies on the floor. Every color of the spectrum flashed over the club, signifying the name of the establishment – the Rainbow. It was obviously a gay club from the name, and Tom felt a bit out of place on the stool at the bar.   
The guy behind the counter was watching him steadily, but Tom knew it was out of suspicion instead of interest. He had short, dyed blonde hair and dark eyes behind a pair of square, black, plastic- framed glasses. He was stocky and quite a bit shorter than Tom, but his crossed arms showed hard, corded muscle beneath. Tom noticed tattoos lining one of his legs and the inside of one arm.   
Tom shifted on the seat and tried to appear natural. He hadn't gotten this far, just to get kicked out by the bouncer – or whoever he was.   
Six months earlier, he had tracked down the porn peddler after quite a bit of trouble. The man had been uncompliant at first, but with threats of jail looming, he had spilled what he knew about Bill. Tom had been disgusted over the pictures of teenage Bill that the man had taken in return for a ticket and passport to LA. It was bondage and Bill's thin wrists had been tied in almost every shot. There was on with a gag between his full lips, several of him on his knees, bent over. It was sickening in the sort of way that one could not stop looking. Ever since that night, Tom had tried to get those images out of his head, but they were imprinted there, permanently. He hadn't told Simone of his findings. He had simply told her that he knew that Bill had initially gone to LA.   
Months of investigation had led him here to the Rainbow. Tom felt tired in his bones, weary of talking to strung-out prostitutes, or pompous pimps. He wanted tonight to be the break. He wanted to see Bill at last, instead of in pictures. He carried one with him at all times, in the inner pocket of his jacket, close to his heart. He took it out often, and traced the lines of that soft face. He had grown to care about Bill in an inexplicable way. He had never met him, didn't even know if he still looked the same, but he had a burning desire to finally greet him, perhaps pull him to his chest, breath out praises to any god that would hear him.   
Tom jerked out of his reverie when loud laughter alerted him.   
“Gustav, my friend! Can you spare another drink?”  
Tom looked over, wondering who the loud, drunken stranger was. It was tall man between two other men, his arms draped over their shoulders as they practically dragged him to the bar. His feet were clad in black boots with insanely high heels. He tripped over them as he tried to walk.   
“Another round, Gustav.” He slurred. “One more round.” He made it to the bar and patted the wood as if it were his best friend.   
Tom stared at his profile, his heart suddenly palpitating. It couldn't be...  
The man's hair was black and long, but shaven on the sides. He was wearing quite a bit of sparkly makeup on his eyes, and he had on fake eyelashes that were at least two inches long. He were a white, clinging shirt with a plunging neckline and a half jacket over it. His pants were black and had fur all down the legs. Quite a getup, but Tom could not focus on the clothes. He could only look at the face, the darkened brows, the honey brown eyes, the tilted up nose, the full lips...  
“Bill...” He whispered.  
The man's eyes swung over to him, and Tom almost fell off his stool. Bill's hair was different and he was older, but he was definitely the same young man as in the picture that Tom carried.   
“Mmm.” He said, his eyes sparkling as he ran them up and down Tom's body. “Lookin' for a pick me up.” he lifted one dark brow, the one that pierced. Tom took in another sharp breath. He had expected a crying, sniffling little boy – not this beautiful, sexually charged man.  
“You know the kind that picks up your dick.” Bill said, chuckling drunkenly at his own joke.  
Tom stared at him, his lips moving like a fish out of water. He should know how to do this by know. He'd been a PI for almost seven years now. But he had never become so involved in an investigation, and he didn't know what to do now.  
“I think you've had enough, Bill.” The blonde man, Gustav apparently, told him. Tom stared at Gustav. He had just confirmed what Tom had hoped by calling Bill by his name.   
“Enough?” Bill asked. “I never get enough.” He frowned at Gustav, looking confused for a second before asking, “Haven't I fucked you yet?”  
“No.” Gustav said calmly, navigating a shotglass out of Bill's fingers. “And you're not going to.”  
“Oh, come on.” Bill whined.   
Gustav leaned in closer. “I think you need to get upstairs and sleep this off.”  
Bill stared at him. “Sleep it off.”  
“Yes.”   
“Can I take him with me?” He asked and Tom was surprised when he hooked his finger over in Tom's direction.   
“No.” Gustav denied.   
“But.. come on! You are absolutely no fun at all.” Bill said. He stifled a burp at the end of the sentence, covering his mouth with one fine-boned hand. Tom noticed that his fingernails were painted black and that they were long and perfectly manicured.   
“Take him upstairs.” Gustav told the two guys who were holding onto him.   
They began to drag him away with Bill somewhat protesting. Tom gaped after them, kicking himself when he realized that he had just let him slip away without saying a word.  
He turned to Gustav, saying, “Do you own this place?”  
“Yes.” Gustav said, his face impassive. “You must be new in town if you don't know that.”  
“I am. Actually...”He said, looking off towards where they were dragging Bill. “I was looking for him. Bill.”  
Gustav raised a brow. “Why?”  
Tom opened his mouth to explain the situation and then closed it. Would it be wise to tell one of Bill's friends that PI was looking for him. He might run.  
“Does he live upstairs?” Tom asked.  
“Who wants to know.” Gustav said, crossing his arms and appearing like the bouncer again.  
Tom shrugged, and made a huge bluff. “I've been hearing around about him is all.”  
Gustav nodded, something flickering in his eyes. “If you wanted your chance, you should've said something when he asked.” Gustav replied. “You might not look the same to him tomorrow.” With that, he moved off, leaving Tom to fill in the blanks.


	4. Contemplations and Confessions

Tom left the Rainbow in a daze.  
After all these months... all the looking and searching... all the wondering and praying...  
Tom found his way across town to a small coffee shop. It was far away from the club scene that Bill apparently frequented and lived in. He felt as if he needed to shake off the clinging, lewd atmosphere, find his way back.  
He had been here many times, when he thought he was close. He sat the same booth he always sat at and was served by the same pretty, high school girl. She left him the coffee pot and Tom sequestered himself, pulling out the worn picture of Bill. Gazing at the soft innocence depicted there, Tom felt tears growing in his eyes. After all this time, he had found Bill to be exactly opposite of what he had imagined. He had formed a bond with a boy, however one-sided it may have been. But that bond had been with a picture and a personality he had imagined for Bill – not the real man. Tom had meant to find Bill, really find him – not just his body, but his heart and soul too. He had meant to bring home a wounded boy and heal him. Now, he found a partier, a drinker, probably a druggie too, who was willing to pick up anyone who passed his fancy.  
Sitting in the booth, Tom had to wonder if it was really that much of a shock. People in pain built up a disguise to cover it. They acted loud, proud, and uncaring. They lived a lifestyle that they thought would bring them happiness. Tom, however, knew that Bill would only find a dead-end street in the Rainbow. At least, it appeared he had one friend – the owner, Gustav. He had stopped Bill's drinking and sent him to bed. He let him live above his club, and Tom wondered what the price for that was. Just out of the goodness of Gustav's heart, or something more sinister? It seemed that all of Bill's life, people had taken advantage of him.  
Tom bowed his head, pressing it against the picture and staring into the wide, dark eyes. Who are you, Bill? Why do I feel this way about you? He asked the picture as he had a hundred times. He hadn't taken any other cases, but he had really been charging the Trumpers the money that he typically charged for his time. Six months was a long time and he could be making quite a bit of money out of it. The Trumpers had offered to pay whatever amount he wanted and didn't indicate that they wanted him to stop the investigation even as it prolonged into months. They had flown him to the United States when he told them about LA, but other than that, Tom had paid for his own expenses. His time alone should be costing them hundreds, if not thousands of dollars, but Tom could not find it in his heart to take any more from these people. They had tried to give him money before but he had pushed it away stating, “I care about your son, and that's enough.” In the back of his mind, it was becoming, I love your son, and that's more than enough.  
“What is happening to me?” He whispered aloud, clenching his fingers around the picture. He knew that a small part of him had wanted to follow Bill. Take advantage of him like all the other disgusting people in his life. A taunting voice in the back of his mind told him. Tom squeezed his eyes shut, thinking that it was true. Bill had looked so grown up, so sexy in that outfit that Tom could not help but be drawn to him, physically and sexually. Tom was even more horrified at himself when he had recalled those bondage pictures upon feeling Bill's hot gaze upon him.  
“Mr. Kaulitz?” A voice broke into his thoughts and he looked up, knowing that his face was a mess of anguish and anger. His usual server, Tiffany, stood over him, looking upon him with concern. “Is there something I can do for you tonight, Mr. Kaulitz?” She asked, softly.  
“No.” Tom choked out. “I... I'm fine...” His lie faded into nothing as he stared down at the picture of Bill once more. He traced Bill's cheek with a finger.  
“Have you found him?” Tiffany asked, sounding timid.  
Tom nodded slowly. “Yes, I found him, but...”  
Tiffany didn't say anything this time. She refilled his cup although she had left the pot for him and hovered for a moment. “Do you love him?” She asked, suddenly  
Tom's eyes jerked up to hers and she jumped back, “I'm sorry. That wasn't my place.” She apologized quickly, her cheeks reddening.  
“No, no...” Tom shook his head. “Its ok. I just... I'm not sure.”  
“Oh.” She said, but still looked embarrassed. She walked away quickly and Tom looked back at the picture. How could he love a person he had met one time? And that person wasn't even what he had expected?  
“Oh, Bill..” Tom whispered and lowered his head once more. He didn't even think about calling Simone. Tom himself was devastated and he could not imagine how his mother would react to what her beloved son had become.

~

Tom went back to his hotel room, where he had basically lived for the past few months. The staff knew him and they waved as he walked in. He headed up to his room and didn't bother flicking on the lights before he stripped and fell into bed. He didn't think he would be able to sleep with all that was going on in his mind, but he was asleep before he even realized it.  
He found himself in another world, dreaming. Dreaming of Bill.  
In the first sequence, Bill was only a child. He was curled up in his bed, shivering and afraid. Jorg came in and Tom found himself on the other side of a glass wall, unable to help Bill when Jorg hurt him. Bill looked over at him with pained eyes, tears falling down his round, angelic cheeks. “Help me, Tom.” He whispered, but Tom could not.  
In the second sequence, Bill was young, seventeen years old, the day he had left home. Tom found himself watching the man taking the pictures of Bill. Bill stared up at him with big eyes. “Help me, Tom.” He whispered, but Tom could not.  
The dream shifted again and Tom was watching Bill taking on his first client. He tried to be brave, but he was afraid. “Help me, Tom.” He cried, but Tom could not.  
At last, Tom began to scream, “I'm trying to help you, Bill, but I can't!”  
Tom burst up from the pillow, screaming, “I can't!!!” He panted, covered in sweat. He lay back down on the pillow, moaning quietly. He covered his face with his hands and tried to calm his breathing. It wasn't the first time he had dreamed about Bill, but he had thought that it would be different this time after what he had learned. Apparently, his mind was set on saving Bill, whether Bill wanted to be saved or not.  
Tom lay still on the sheets, staring up at ceiling. I have to. He thought. I have to save Bill, no matter what it takes.

~

The morning sun coming through the window was too bright. It stabbed into his eyes with all the force of a dull blade.  
Bill pulled the sheets over his head and turned on his side, away from the offending sunlight. It couldn't be morning. He felt as if he had just fallen asleep. Did he even remember falling asleep? He vaguely recalled being dragged up her and stripped out of his clothes before being tucked in bed like a baby. Ah, Gustav – he took such good care of him.  
“Rise and shine!” A voice that sounded far too loud rang in his ear and Bill cringed.  
“No...” He groaned from underneath the sheets.  
“Yes. Its almost one o' clock in the afternoon.” Gustav pulled the sheets back from Bill's head and Bill moaned, curling in tighter ball and covering his face with his arms. “I've let you sleep long enough. Now its time to get up.”  
“No..” Bill moaned again.  
“Yes.” Gustav contradicted, and Bill sighed. It was like this every morning. Bill didn't want to get up. Gustav made him, even if he had to drag him into the shower himself.  
“Come on.” Gustav grabbed his arm with a strong hand and pulled Bill's slight frame upwards. Bill looked up at Gustav through strands of dark hair that had fallen in his face.  
“Why?” He whined. “There's no point in getting up.”  
Gustav frowned at him. “There's always something to get up for.” He pulled Bill's arm over his shoulder and lugged him to his feet. Bill moaned. His head was throbbing. He needed medication and water immediately.  
“I'm soooo hungover.” He groaned, rubbing his eye with one hand.  
“I'll get you some meds and breakfast.” Gustav offered.  
“Like I said last night, Gus,” Bill said, “You should let me fuck you for all you do for me.”  
“That means you're getting something for all my work.” Gustav said.  
“Does it?” Bill squinted, thinking hard. He shrugged after a moment. “I guess so.”  
“Sit down.” Gustav said, leading him to the table. He lowered Bill to the chair went to the stove where he was cooking. Eggs and sausages. Bill breathed in deeply and leaned back in the chair.  
“I can't believe you remember that.” Gustav said.  
“I remember more than you think.” Bill said. “I remember that guy... Who was he anyways?”  
“I don't know. New in town.”  
“You think he'll come back?” Bill asked with interest. He had looked like a good catch. He appeared rough and tumble in that sexy way with loose jeans, but tight V-neck shirt that showed off tanned skin and delicious crease down his sternum. His hair had looked so soft too, long and dark. Bill also remembered unkept stubble and ring at the corner of his lower lip.  
“I don't know. I think you might've scared him off.” Gustav said.  
“What?” Bill asked, “What did I say?”  
“Oh, you don't remember that?” Gustav asked, quirking a brow as he held out the plate to Bill who took it and began to shove food into his mouth.  
“No.” He mumbled around egg and sausage.  
“You asked if he wanted a pick me up. The kind that picks up your dick.” Gustav quoted in a serious manner.  
Bill smiled, and laughed outright, nearly spitting food out of his mouth.  
“Would you learn to eat like an adult?” Gustav asked.  
“Sorry.” Bill covered his mouth with one hand chewed up the bite in his mouth. He shrugged and asking, “Why didn't he agree?”  
“I told them to take you upstairs. You were off your ass drunk.” Gustav replied and Bill could hear the silent accusatory tone seeping through. As good as Gustav was to him, Bill knew that he didn't like everything that Bill did.  
“So.... it's my life.” He muttered.  
“It your life that you're fucking up.” Gustav replied, his voice cool and calm.  
Bill sighed and shoved the plate away. “We've had this conversation, Gustav.”  
“I think you should start singing again.” Gustav suddenly cut in, stopping Bill in his tracks. Bill stared at him, blinking for a moment.  
“No.” He said at last, folding his arms. “I don't sing anymore.”  
“But you should.”  
“No. What's the point?” Bill asked. “I don't have anything to sing about... except maybe getting drunk and laid.”  
“Sometime you have to find something worth your while beside alcohol and sex, Bill.” Gustav said, his brows pulling together.  
Bill could feel the heat growing on his cheeks, the anger in his chest. He folded his arms tighter across his chest. “I'm sick of people telling me how to live, okay, Gustav.” He snapped at last. “I've been controlled my whole life and I don't need you doing it too.”  
“No matter what you think, I'm not controlling you. And you're not controlling you either.” Gustav added. “This place is controlling, and I'm sorry that I'm the owner of it because of you. I'm sorry that you don't know how control yourself.”  
“That's it.” Bill fumed, shooting up from the table. “Get out of here, Gustav.”  
“Its my place, Bill.” Gustav said. “I could kick you out if I wanted, but I don't. Because I care, and I feel responsible. I've felt responsible ever since I found you strung-out on my doorstep, half dead for all anyone else cared!”  
Bill turned away, his head throbbing. He pressed his fingers to his temples. “I told you I'm clean now!”  
“That's not the point, Bill.” Gustav said. “The point is that you're a wreck and you need to find something to live for before there's nothing left.”  
Bill felt tears throbbing behind his eyes but he couldn't let them fall. He'd already shed too many tears over the Fate of his entire life. It seemed that he had been cursed since the day he was born.  
“There is nothing left, Gustav.” He whispered. “Why do you think I do what I do every night? I've lost everything I ever cared for. Marc. My mother. Georg....”  
He heard Gustav sigh and then felt a hand at his shoulder, pulling him around. Bill went into Gustav's arms, although he was much taller and bent down to lay his head on the strong, reassuring shoulder. “I'm sorry, Gustav.” He whispered.  
“No. You have nothing to be sorry for.” Gustav insisted. “It's not your fault.”  
“But it is.” Bill cried. “It all is. Marc, Georg, my mother. Its all my fault.”  
“No.” Gustav said sharply. “Marc was never your fault.”  
“But I made him jump.” Bill whispered, sucking in desperate, halting breaths.  
“No...” Gustav murmured, rubbing his hand in circles over Bill's back.  
“I told him he was a pussy if he didn't.” Bill cried, his body shaking now. “I told him... I told him...”  
“Shhh, its okay.” Gustav said, patting Bill's back.  
Bill quieted at last, crying softly into Gustav's shoulder. When he was silent at last, Gustav gave him pain reliever and a glass of water. He wiped his tears and kissed his forehead. He held his hand and told him it would all be okay.


	5. Composure and Coffee

Bill dressed immaculately that night. He was a permanent fixture of the club, and the patrons had come to recognize him, mostly because they knew that if they were lucky, they could get a taste of beautiful, androgonous creature that inhabited the Rainbow. Bill liked to think of himself as the pot of gold at the end of that rainbow. He knew the patrons certainly did.  
He wore a black shirt with one shoulder only. It was silky but tight, riding up his flat stomach. The pants were red tonight with thigh high leather boots. Several bracelets and rings adorned his arms and fingers. He fixed his hair up into a stylish pompador and let the back lie softly at his nape. He took careful time on his makeup, adding the fake eyelashes once more.   
When he descended into the club that night, heads turned, but Bill was in the mood to play with his prey, not immediately devour it. He seated himself at the bar and started off slow. Last night, he had been slamming them back, probably too quickly.   
He glanced about, hoping before he even realized it that the stranger would return.   
He was about to lose hope and go in search of another target when he saw the door of the Rainbow open. Squinting across the club, Bill could make out the stranger in flashing of the lights, entering like a sleuth. Bill chuckled. Perhaps he had a wife at home and he didn't want her to know of his nightly exursion to a gay club.   
He slunk across the bar, avoiding large crowds and obvious gazes. He stuck out, that was for sure. Bill felt his heart pitter-patter when he neared. He glanced over at Bill and Bill felt as if those eyes were hooks, digging into him. He adjusted himself on the stool, suddenly uncomfortable. He usually liked people looking at him. The stranger sat down a few stools away and Bill glanced over at Gustav. Their eyes met but Gustav's expression remained impassive.   
“Care for a drink?” Gustav asked.  
“Sure.” The stranger said, his eyes flicking over to Bill once more. Bill batted his elongated eyelashes and smiled softly. The man's nostrils flared and Bill could see his jaw work before he looked away.  
Bill slid down off his seat and sayshayed down the row of stools until he was next to him. “Hey, stranger,” He said, softly.  
The man looked over at him. “Tom.”He said, bluntly.  
Bill raised a brow, surprised that he would give his name out so easily. Maybe he wasn't saavy with the club atmosphere. “Tom.” He said, tasting the simple name on his tongue. “Haven't seen you around before, Tom.”  
“You did. Last night.” Tom said, narrowing his eyes.  
“Oh,” Bill said, chuckling and hating that it sounded so nervous. “Yeah...” He shrugged. “Well, you seem like you need a teacher.” He went on, smoothing over the awkwardness and slipping into a sensual tone, “To show you the ropes.”  
Tom's brow quirked again and he accepted the drink from Gustav who was glaring at Bill from behind his glasses. Bill discreetly gave him the finger and turned back to Tom, leaning in closer. “ So about those lessons...”  
“I don't do kink if that's what you're asking.” He narrowed his eyes and said, “Bill.”   
Bill drew back, put off first by Tom's outright denial of his advances and then the use of his first name.   
“How do you...”  
“Your friend called you 'Bill' last night so I assume that your name.” Tom said.  
Bill nodded. Duh, He thought, but again tried to remain cool and composed. “So what do you like, Tom?” He said, drawing a long, black nail over Tom's muscular arm.   
Tom looked down at Bill's finger as if it were a mere annoyance and then back up at Bill's face. He surprised Bill by saying, “I like you, Bill.” The statement didn't sound sexual at all, only friendly and Bill found himself disappointed.   
“I like you too, Tom.” He pushed on, still pushing sexual undertones into his voice. He slid his hand down Tom's sides, his palm rubbing over Tom's stomach. The muscles were hard as rock there as well, and Bill bit his lip, fighting the urge to discover if something else lower down could get that hard.  
“I can see.” Tom said, but he only sounded amused. Bill found himself frustrated. No one turned him down and certainly, no one laughed at him. “You know what, Bill?” He said, turning to face him on the stool, “If you like me so much, you'll have coffee with me at the Caribou.”  
Bill drew back sharply. “Huh?”  
“Not what you expected, was it?” Tom asked, and Bill could see him smirking. Bill wanted to slap this man. He wanted to slap him very hard.  
“I don't drink coffee.” He said.  
“You must've after the hangover you probably had this morning.” Tom said.   
Bill stared at him, shocked. “C-coffee...” He sputtered, still finding it inconceivable.   
Tom smiled softly, “I'm not sleeping with you, Bill. At least, not tonight.” He rose from his seat and Bill failed to step back. They ended up smashed together between the two bar stools, face to face, body to body.   
“Who are you?” Bill asked in a whisper.   
The amusement left Tom's eyes and Bill saw an utter sad inside them. He sighed and lifted a hand. He brushed the backs of his fingers over Bill's cheek and Bill found the touch electrifying. “I could ask you the same thing.” Tom replied, and then he was gone. His hand left Bill's cheek and his body moved away. Then Bill was watching his back disappearing through the crowd. He felt lost. Completely, and devestatingly lost. And more than anything, he wanted coffee.

~

Tom's heart was throbbing as he left the Rainbow. He fingers tingled from where he had touched Bill's cheek. He had done so to the picture so many times and now that he had actually touched the real thing....   
On top of it all, his heart felt confused. He didn't know what he was feeling towards Bill. He just knew he wanted a connnection – and he didn't want to share it with anyone. He still had made no move to call Simone and tell her where Bill was. He could not find it within himself to do so. Sometimes, he still thought back on his short conversation with Georg Listing, remembering Georg's statement that it was time for them all to leave Bill alone. Well, Tom wasn't one of them – he was a new face to Bill, and he wanted to make a difference.   
He wondered if Bill would actually consider coffee. He hadn't gone into the Rainbow with that intent, but suddenly he found himself setting up a date. No, it wasn't a date... it was more of a rendevouz. Whatever it was, Tom hoped that Bill would actually show up at some point.   
The next night, he went to the Caribou instead of the Rainbow. Tiffany set down the coffee pot for him, but hardly said a word. She was still embarrassed over their last conversation. Tom thanked her with a smile and pulled out the picture of Bill. Gazing at the young face, he thought about the more grown up Bill. He had certainly been putting on a facade. Tom had only seen a bit of the real Bill when they had come face to face. “Who are you?” Bill had asked. Tom asked himself the same question. Was he going to be some else who hurt Bill with his own desire, or was he going to help him like no one else had?  
Tom was so engrossed in his thought that he didn't hear footsteps approaching until they were almost right next to him. He lifted his head, jerking when he saw that it was indeed Bill. He fumbled, shoving the picture into his pocket before Bill could see.   
“Bill..” He said, trying not to lose his composure.   
“Didn't think I would come?” Bill asked. He wasn't dressed any less impressively than the night before. This time, he was wearing a sleeveless, sheer, purple shirt with a soft, feathery boa around his shoulders, along with high-waisted black pants. Tom couldn't see his feet, but he was sure he was wearing ridiculously high heels again.   
Bill sat down at the table and folded his hands, staring Tom down. “You got me here. That's impressive, first of all.”  
Tom nodded. “I didn't expect to see you outside of the club.” He tried to relax and grabbed his coffee mug to take a sip.   
“I live there.” Bill shrugged and picked at a nail.  
They fell into silence and Bill shifted before asking, “So is this like a date? I've never been on a date before.”  
“No.” Tom said, sharply, before catching his tone. “No.” He repeated more quietly.  
Bill nodded, still not looking up from his nail. “So... what is this?”  
“You tell me. You came here.”  
“You asked me.” Bill challenged, looking up with fierce, dark eyes.   
Tom shrugged. “Maybe I just wanted to get you out of that place for one night.”  
“You sound like you care.” Bill sneered.  
“Care?” Tom said. “Doesn't anyone else?”  
“No.” Bill snorted.  
“What about your friend, Gustav?”   
Bill's face smoothed for a moment and he nodded. “Okay, that's one person.... But why do you care? I've never seen you before.”  
“I saw you.” Tom replied, feeling suddenly as if his heart was speaking for him. Bill looked up and their eyes met. He saw something waver in those steely, rebellious depths. “I saw someone on a self-destructive path. I saw someone who needed a friend.”  
Bill looked away. “What am I doing here?” He muttered.   
“Curiosity.” Tom supplied.  
“Curiosity killed the fucking cat.” Bill snapped and jumped up from his chair. He was spinning around right as Tiffany was arriving with more coffee. They slammed into each other and Bill cried out as hot coffee splashed down his chest, no doubt burning straight through the sheer material.   
“Oh my God!” Tiffany cried. “I am so sorry!” She looked up at his face and her eyes became more round. She looked over at Tom and he knew she had recognized Bill from the picture. Tom jumped out of his chair, hoping that she wouldn't say anything.   
“Are you okay?” Tom asked, rushing to Bill side. His face was twisted in pain and he was dabbing at his shirt with a napkin. “Let me see.” Tom said, softly, grabbing the edge of Bill's soaked shirt and lifting it up to examine the damage. Bill's pale, flawless flesh was turned angrily red by the coffee in a large splotch on his stomach. Tom reached out a hand and touched him softly .  
“Ow!” Bill cried, jumping back.   
“Sorry.” Tom said.   
“I am so, so sorry.” Tiffany was saying behind Tom. Bill was glaring at her but Tom turned and said, “It's okay, Tiffany.  
“We might have burn cream in the back.” She said, and scurried away.   
“It wasn't her fault, Bill.” Tom admonished, waving a hand over the burn as if to cool it.  
“She shouldn't have walked into me.” Bill said, lifting his nose.  
“You're the one who was walking away.” Tom reminded him, looking up at him. Bill's mouth twisted for a moment before he simply looked away.   
Tiffany returned with the cream and Tom snatched it before Bill could take it. The need to protect and take care of Bill was suddenly overwhelming. He ripped open the packet and began to apply it. Bill winced all the while, gripping the back of the chair behind him.   
“It's not so bad.” Tom said as he finished. “It'll be fine in a few days.”  
“I can't have a mark on me, Tom.” Bill replied. “How is that gonna look?”  
“For who?” Tom quirked a brow.  
Bill's face soured again, and Tom said, “You're not gonna be with anyone but me.” He didn't know where he came off being so bold, but the statement jumped off his tongue anyways.   
Bill's raised his brows. “Is that so?”  
Tom nodded affirmatively.   
“With you?” Bill asked and Tom could hear the tone of his voice. The hopefulness for sex.   
“Not like that.” Tom said. “But with me.”  
“Why not?” Bill asked. “I know you want me.”  
Tom scoffed. “And how do you know that?”  
“The look in your eyes.” Bill said, his eyes on him even as Tom moved away and grabbed his coat. “I know that look, Tom. I've seen it a hundred times. Maybe more.”  
Tom yanked his coat on and turned his dark eyes upon Bill. “If you've lost count, I think its time to stop.”  
“Stop?” Bill asked. “Nobody tells me when to stop.”  
“Do you want to come home with me or not?” Tom asked, stopping him cold.  
“I thought you said...” Bill's voice trailed off.  
“Oh, I know, we're not.” Tom said. “But you could always sleep alone above the Rainbow.”  
“So, let me get this straight.” Bill said. “You want me to come home with you just so I can sleep next to you in the bed.”  
“Like I said, you can always go to the Rainbow.” He glanced at his watch. “It's a little late to be picking someone up, don't you think? And besides,” He made eyes like Bill, and mimicked, “I know you want me.”  
For a moment, Bill looked as if he was going to attempt to strike at Tom, but a moment later, he relaxed and said, “Fine. You're way, Tomi.”   
Tom jolted a little at the sudden nickname but he didn't oppose it. In fact, it sounded good on his ears.   
He was a little relieved when Bill followed him. He mostly just wanted to get Bill out of the Rainbow, and the only way he could think of doing that was to ask Bill home with him. Bill would never get out of that degrading lifestyle if he continued to live in it, day and night.   
Bill didn't appear to have a car and Tom wondered how he had gotten there. Perhaps a cab. Bill climbed inside Tom's car, and his knees almost hit the dashboard. He moved the seat back into a more comfortable position and Tom pulled out of the parking lot.   
“I live in a hotel, okay?” Tom said. “So don't judge it.”  
“Judge?” Bill asked. “I don't judge anyone. At least not for how they live. Everyone deserves to be able to do what they want with their lives.”  
“You mean everyone deserves to be happy.” Tom said, glancing over at him. He caught Bill's confused look before he said, “No. No one is really happy you know. You always want more out of life. You never get enough. There's always something lacking.”   
“You meaning yourself.” Tom said.  
“Everyone in general.” Bill insisted. “Who do you know is truly happy?”  
Tom thought about it for a moment and he almost said, “I would be happy if I had you.” But he didn't.   
“Happiness is elusive.” Bill went on. “Its not permanent. Its just a temporary feeling. Sometimes I feel happy when I'm drinking. Sometimes I even feel happy when I have sex. But its always gone in the next second.”  
Tom remained silent. He hadn't expected Bill to open up to him.   
“Then there's always the people who want to destroy your happiness because they don't agree with you. They think they're right, always. And, well... no can always be right.” He trailed off and a silence settled over the car.   
“Do you think I'll feel happy when I'm lying next to you tonight?” He asked, at last.   
Tom couldn't answer. His chest felt tight and he was gripping the steering wheel in an iron grasp. He could only think, I know I will.


	6. Firewalls and Infatuations

Tom was relieved that he had put away his research material on Bill before leaving his hotel room. When Bill entered, the desk was cleared away and he couldn't see the dozens of pictures, documents, and handwritten notes concerning him. Not for the first time, and now, more than ever, Tom felt a bit like a stalker – a very obsessed stalker.   
Bill was silent as he walked about the room, as if making an inspection.   
Tom watched him. He took of his jacket and tossed it on a chair before shoving his hands in his pockets and shifting from foot to foot.  
He hadn't really thought about what he was doing when he had asked Bill to come home with him. Now, he felt as if he were going to suffocate or something with Bill inspecting his personal space. No matter how much Tom didn't want to believe it, Bill was a stranger to him.   
At last, Bill came and sat down on the edge of the bed, pushing his high heeled boots off his feet. He lay back and stretched like a lazy feline, gazing up at Tom from underneath dark lashes. Tom looked away, tried to steady himself. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.  
He had always considered himself to be straight, but it was different when it came to Bill. It wasn't that he was man. It was just Bill, the lovely creature that Tom had been searching for for so long.   
Tom fought the urge to reach out and touch the flesh that became exposed when Bill's shirt rode up. It was still slightly red from the burn but it was so flawless.   
“Do you have any clothes I can wear?” Bill asked, his voice soft. The question seemed innocent enough but it made Tom's heart race. The thought of Bill wearing his clothes...   
“I don't want to wear this coffee-stained shirt all night.” Bill clarified and batted his long lashes, as if to appear innocent.  
“Right.” Tom said. He turned and searched through his drawer for something that would fit Bill. Suddenly he felt a hand at his shoulder, the length of Bill's torso pressed against his arm.   
“How about this?” Bill asked, reaching around Tom to pluck up a shirt.   
Tom turned as Bill tossed his boa aside and quickly stripped the purple shirt off over his head. Tom's eyes were immediately drawn to the pale, flawless flesh, the delicate bones that pressed again his skin. He was thin, almost terribly so, but Tom couldn't fault him for it. He was beautiful to Tom, no matter how he looked.   
Tom drew back in surprise when Bill began to take off the high-waisted pants as well. Underneath, he was wearing black, spandex boy shorts that rode half-way up his ass and left nothing to the imagination. Tom leaned back against the dresser and tried to support himself as Bill wiggled into Tom's shirt. It hung like a sack on his fragile frame, falling down to mid-thigh. He smiled a dazzling smile at Tom and jumped back onto the bed, stretching out once more. Tom could feel arousal tightening his stomach when Bill's thinly shielded crotch came back into view.   
“You said you were gonna sleep next to me.” Bill said, patting the bed. “So get in.”   
Tom drew in a deep breath, and attempted to calm himself before walking the bed on jelly legs. He tried to keep his face as impassive as possible as he laid down on the mattress next to him.   
“Under the covers?” Bill asked, looking over Tom with impossibly large, dark eyes, appearing so guileless. Tom knew better, but he acquiesced and as soon as they were under the sheets, Bill was right up against him. His leg curled around Tom, his crotch pressing against Tom's hips. He undulated softly and Tom cursed quietly.   
“Bill, I told you we weren't going to.”  
Bill let out a sigh, “Why not?”  
“Because, we don't need it. You don't need it.” Tom advised, trying to untangle himself from Bill's seemingly never-ending extremities.   
“Yes, I do, Tom.” Bill said. “I'm a sexual creature, you see. I need sex to survive.”  
Tom scoffed. “That's bullshit.”  
Bill drew back as if offended that someone would actually disagree with him.  
“What did you say in the car?” Tom demanded. “That you don't really feel happy when you have sex. Only sometimes?”   
Bill rolled away from Tom and folded his arms, staring petulantly at the ceiling. “What do you care?” He muttered. “I thought you would've done it by now.”  
“Done what?” Tom asked, although he felt that he knew.  
Bill looked over him and stated, “Turned on me. Act like you care and then...” His nostrils flared. “I thought maybe in the car when we were alone. Maybe when we first got in here.”  
“You act like you want me to force you or something.” Tom said, sitting up, disgusted by his own conclusion.  
Bill looked away and said in a quiet voice. “Want you to? I don't know. Maybe I'm just used to it.”  
Tom felt his heart soften, suddenly feeling terrible over his accusation. “I'm sorry.” He apologized. “I shouldn't have said that.”  
Bill's eyes swung to his, his brows raised. “Now you're apologizing. Wow.”  
“It's what normal people do when they do something wrong.” Tom said, firmly.   
“Is it ever wrong when its me?” Bill suddenly snapped, sitting up right next Tom, his eyes flashing. “People take what they want, Tom. And maybe they have the right. Maybe that's why I'm on this planet. To be somebody's plaything.”  
“No!” Tom found himself on the verge of shouting. It all made him so angry, the injustice that was Bill's life. Couldn't Bill see that he wanted to help him? He just couldn't seem to get out of the black, disparaging hole. “You're not someone's plaything.” Tom said, grabbing Bill by the shoulders and pulling him close. “You're Bill.” He stated, his voice low, barely controlled. “And you have the right to a happy life. You have the right to be safe from everyone who's ever hurt you.”  
Bill drew back, his brows drawn his eyes confused. “How do you know me?” He asked. He slid from Tom's grip and out of the bed. He turned his back to Tom, pacing away. “I don't understand how you can say these things to me.”  
Tom closed his eyes and drew in a breath. He'd gone too far. He didn't want Bill to know that Simone and Gordon had hired him because he was certain that he would never talk to Tom again. But he kept acting too suspicious and now Bill was wondering.  
“I just get angry when someone has been beaten down so badly that they don't have any self worth.” Tom said, quietly.  
Bill didn't say anything in return. He just stood there in Tom's shirt, looking confused and lost.   
“Come back to bed.” Tom entreated softly. He wanted to hug Bill and tell him it would be okay.  
Bill turned around, looking stricken. At last, he walked back to the bed and slid under the covers. To Tom's surprise, he pressed up against his chest and laid there quietly. He didn't say another word and Tom slid his arm around him, reaching up a hand to stroke his soft hair. He ran his fingers through it, admiring the thickness but the impossibly soft texture.   
They fell asleep that way, and Tom could feel his heart beating out a rhythm of what he could almost call happiness.   
When he awoke the next morning, however, Bill was gone, the sheets beside him cold and empty. For a reason he couldn't comprehend or explain, Tom lowered his head to the mattress and cried.

~

Tom went to the Rainbow that night, more determined than ever. He had gotten Bill to sleep next to him without having sex. That was a step, wasn't it?   
When he arrived, the club was in full swing. He went to his seat at the bar and found Gustav standing in his usual place. When he saw Tom, his eyes darkened.   
“Is Bill here?” Tom asked.   
“Coming back for seconds?” Gustav asked.  
Tom stumbled for a moment, caught off guard by Gustav's malevolent tone. “No, I just...”  
“He said if you came in here that he didn't want to see you.” Gustav told him.   
“But-” Tom began to protest.  
“I don't know what you did to him last night, mister,” Gustav said, stepping closer and almost leaning across the bar, “But you need to leave my establishment.”  
“I didn't do anything to him. I swear to God.” Tom replied, hardly believing that he was being kicked out.  
Gustav raised his brows above his glasses. “He came home this morning crying.”  
Tom struggled, unable to comprehend Bill's reaction to their night together. Perhaps it had been too much emotionally. He didn't know, but he couldn't let Bill just run away from him.  
“Fine.” Tom snapped at last. “But tell him I'll still be at the Caribou.” He slid off the stool and walked away, fuming. He wished he could jump over the counter and knock Gustav's glasses off his face with a well-placed punch. He didn't have the right to keep Bill from him. No one did.


	7. Whores and Heart-to-Hearts

Bill was on his hand and knees, his head tilted downwards. His face was screwed up tightly but not in pleasure. Despite the fact that the man behind him was obviously skilled, Bill was not gaining his usual amount of pleasure out of the encounter. Of course, he was going to come, but that was a given, right? He just didn't feel the overwhelming lust that usually accompanied an orgasm.  
He pressed his eyes shut, tried to get his head in the game. He squeezed the sheets harder in his hand, thrusting his body back against the muscular, well-built man behind him. He had spit out some long, rambling name that Bill hadn't caught. All he knew was that he was desirable enough with dark skin and eyes, and a body to die for. His hands were big and strong, with a cock to match. Bill had thought he had found a pretty good catch, but by the time they made it up to his little loft above the Rainbow, his anticipation had waned. He didn't know why, but suddenly, Tom's face was jumping into his mind. We don't need it, Bill. You don't need it. The words rang like loudly clashing cymbals in Bill's mind. Bill hadn't felt guilty about his sexual exploits in a very long time – not since he had left that shithole of a town back in Germany – but suddenly, he felt very, very ashamed. All he could remember was how safe and somehow loved he had felt in Tom's chaste embrace.   
The man behind him thrust harder into him, and he was hitting Bill's prostate over and over in a way that usually made Bill's toes curl with the first wave of pleasure. Tonight, however, Bill had to concentrate to feel the climax curling up tightly and then expanding in his lower stomach. God, it almost hurt, but Bill could only bite his lip and endure it – he had to or he wasn't going to come. How fucking embarrassing would that be?   
At last, Bill felt a bit of relief when the orgasm attacked him at last. He threw himself into the abandon of pleasure, willing himself to enjoy the way his body writhed helplessly. When he fell to the sheets, exhausted, however, he could only feel empty. With the pleasure still sizzling at his nerve endings, Bill felt tears in his eyes. Was this his life? Could it really be that he existed to have sex and drink himself into oblivion?   
The man was groaning on about how good it had been as he lay down next to Bill. His hands were already roaming over Bill's body again, but Bill jerked away as if burned. He stood shakily from the bed, his legs feeling weak, “Get out.” He said, quietly, limping away. He felt as if he had been fucked in two, although of his own consent.   
“What?” The guy was sitting up, looking confused.  
“You got your fuck in, now get out.” Bill snapped, louder this time.   
“What the fuck?” The man grumbled, sliding from the bed. “Useless whore.” The last bit was barely audible, but Bill heard it. He turned away, a sharp pain slicing through his chest. That was it, wasn't it? That's exactly what he was – a useless whore.   
The man clothed himself and walked out, slamming the door hard behind him. Bill collapsed back to the bed that smelled like a stranger's sex and felt a tear slide from one eye. He wiped at his quickly, telling himself to buck up. He needed a drink; he just needed a fucking drink.  
He pushed himself out of bed with great effort and went to the bathroom to clean up. With that done, he pulled on the clothes he had been wearing previously and tried to make himself presentable. His hair was mussed, his makeup smeared. He looked a bit drunk still, and definitely just fucked.   
Bill made it out of the loft and down the stairs without breaking an ankle. He found himself at the bar, staring down at the bottom of a shotglass.   
“What happened up there?” Gustav asked, pouring him only a small amount of alcohol. He appeared sympathetic, and Bill thought that was the only reason he was giving him more to drink.  
Bill shrugged. “I fucked him, told him to get out.”  
Gustav raised a brow. “That's a little...” His voice trailed off, but Bill finished the sentiment.  
“Whorish.”   
“That's not what I was going to say.” Gustav contradicted.  
“But that's what it is.” Bill said, looking up into Gustav's dark eyes. “That's what I am.”  
“Bill...” Gustav sighed.   
“What?” Bill asked, knocking back the shot in one hard gulp. It burned down his throat and he winced. “You don't have to lie to me, Gustav. I know what I am.”  
“Bill, you've had a hard life, okay. There's no reason to degrade yourself too.”  
“I don't want sympathy.” Bill snapped, anger suddenly flaring in his chest. All his life, people had either condemned him or felt sorry for him. No one besides Tom had urged him to change. No one thought that he would.   
Bill lowered his head, heaving a heavy sigh. “I'm sorry, Gus.” He said, quietly, thick tears choking at his throat.   
Gustav reached across the table and grabbed Bill's hand. “You never have to apologize to me. You know that.”  
“But that's what normal people do when they do something wrong.” Bill whispered, parroting Tom's words from the night before. When he lifted his head Gustav was staring at him as if he'd grown another head.   
“What happened last night?” Gustav asked. “With that guy? You came home crying. I thought he hurt you...”  
“No.” Bill shook his head and sniffed. He wiped at his nose with the back of his hand. “No, not at all. I'm not sure what he did.” He stared off vacantly at the wall behind Gustav. “I'm not sure.” He repeated.  
“He came back in here.” Gustav said, forcing Bill's eyes back to his.   
“He did?” Bill asked, trying not to sound too excited.   
“Yeah. I told him to get out because I thought he hurt you.” Gustav admitted.  
“Oh.” Bill's face fell. For some reason, he had been hoping to see the mysterious stranger again.   
“But he said he to tell you he would still be at the Caribou.”   
“He did?” Bill straightened in his seat. He thought quickly for a moment, his mind racing. It was only 11:00. He still might be able to make it. “I have to go, Gustav.” Bill said, sliding down from the seat. He head towards the door, leaving the shotglass behind.

~

Tom's heart was slowly sinking. It was almost fifteen past eleven, and he had been sitting at the Caribou for almost two hours. Tiffany had been feeding him coffee constantly, but eventually, Tom had stopped accepting. He sat the booth, his ass aching from the hard seat, as he stared at the picture of Bill. In his mind's eye, he could see grownup Bill, lying next to him, his soft face illuminated by the pale light of the moon. He had looked so docile and beautiful in his sleep, and all Tom had wanted to do was cradle him close and never let anyone hurt him again.   
Tom was suddenly drawn out of his thoughts when he heard heels clacking loudly against the tile floor. He looked up, shoving the picture in his pocket when he saw that it was Bill. He looked devastated, maybe a little wasted.   
“Tom.” He said, and he almost smiled. Tom felt his heart lift as Bill slid into the seat across from him. “I thought you wouldn't be here.” Bill admitted quietly.   
“I was going to wait until you came.” Tom said. “Or until morning if you didn't.”  
Bill looked at him, wide-eyed. He shook his head slowly, before saying, bluntly, “I had sex tonight.”  
Tom frowned, a bit taken aback by the announcement. “Okay.” He said, slowly.  
Bill frowned back. “I thought you would scold me.” He shrugged.  
“Do... do you want me to?” Tom asked.  
“I guess.” Bill looked away. “I mean... no one else ever tells me to stop.”  
“You should.” Tom began, before he even realized that he was about to do just as Bill had suggested.   
Bill eyes lifted. “It didn't feel like before.”   
“What do you mean?” Tom asked, shifting uncomfortably in his chair. He hadn't expected to talk about the specifics of Bill's sex life when Bill had arrived.  
“It didn't feel as good.” Bill said, picking up a napkin from the table and beginning to tear it in little pieces. “I came, but.... I just couldn't... I mean, I didn't feel anything.”  
Tom shifted once more at the thought of Bill coming. He closed his eyes and drew in a steady breath, blocking mental images.   
“I still want sex, though, you know.” Bill went on. “I can feel it right now, but...” His voice trailed off and Tom got the idea that Bill was trying to come on to him again.  
“Why do you think you want to have sex with me, Bill?” He finally asked, getting straight to the point.  
Bill's head lifted sharply. “I didn't say...” He began, his high cheekbones coloring quickly.   
“You wanted to before.” Tom pointed out.  
Bill shrugged once more. “I don't know, because you're...” His voice trailed off again, as if he were embarrassed to explain his desires. “...you've got a nice body.” He said at last, giving a mirthless chuckle.   
Tom nodded, soberly. “That's exactly why I'm not having sex with you, Bill.”  
“Are you one of those wait until marriage people?” Bill asked, narrowing his eyes at him.  
“No.” Tom laughed. “Believe me, I've had my share, and I can't say that I never did just because I thought someone was sexy or hot, or whatever. But if I've ever learned anything, its that it should mean something, for more than a day or night.”  
Bill stared at him as if he were speaking another language.   
“Haven't you ever wanted someone because you love them?” Tom asked, thinking of Georg.  
“Well, maybe.” Bill shrugged. “One time, a long time ago. Before I came here.”   
“Did you?” Tom asked, the question jumping off his tongue before he could stop it.  
Bill raised a brow, but didn't comment on the intrusive question. “Yeah.” He said, and Tom watched as his eyes grew distant, staring off into the past. “It wasn't very good, you know. But... it was good to us.”  
Tom smiled at the comment, remembering his own first fumbled attempts. A sharp ache went through him, remembering the person he had been with.   
“What about you?” Bill asked, suddenly. “Have you ever been in love?”  
Tom frowned deeply and sat back in the seat. “One time.” He said.  
“What happened?” Bill asked.   
“She, uh...” Tom cleared his throat and shook his head. “She died.”  
“Oh.” Bill's mouth rounded and he blinked quickly. “I'm so sorry, Tomi.”  
Tom nodded slowly. “It was a long time ago.”  
They both became quiet and Tom couldn't believe that they had just shared those parts of themselves with each other. He had already known about Georg but he had gotten Bill to tell him on his own.   
“Can I stay with you tonight?” Bill asked, quietly.  
Tom looked up into expectant, honey brown eyes, so hopeful. “Yeah.” He said. “Yeah, you can.”  
“No sex.” Bill said, and Tom could still sense the disappointment in his voice.  
“Right.” Tom said. “No sex.”

~

Tom was disappointed when he awoke once more to an empty bed. Bill had managed to slip away in the early morning again, leaving Tom on cold, lonely sheets. This time, however, Tom just sighed and rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling.   
He was sure that they had made more progress last night. Bill hadn't even attempted to seduce him; instead, he had curled up against Tom's side with a contented sigh and went straight to sleep.   
Tom, however, had remained awake, studying Bill's features, and wondering what he was going to do next. He wondered how long he could do this for. He still had yet to tell Simone where her son was. Technically, since he was no longer being paid, he didn't have to tell them – but he still considered himself to be working for the Trumpers. Before now, he had kept them updated on his findings. Now, Tom couldn't find it within himself to disclose Bill's location. First of all, Bill's state of mind would greatly distress them, and secondly, he wasn't sure that Bill was ready to see his parents again. Somehow, Tom felt that it would only harm him at this time.   
When Tom finally pulled himself out of bed, he took a lengthy shower and dressed himself before getting breakfast from the hotel. By the time this all was accomplished, it was nearly one o' clock. He wondered what to do with himself. Since he had found Bill, there was no more research to do, and Tom found his days empty. He found himself aching for Bill's company again, hoping beyond hope that he would show up at the Caribou again tonight.   
Tom watched TV in the hotel room for a while before becoming bored and deciding to hit the town. LA was a interesting and beautiful city with many attractions and Tom wasted the day away, looking through tourist shops and snatching up random trinkets. He found himself in a jewerly shop, looking over the endless racks of rings, bracelets and necklaces. He had never really taken to wearing jewelery himself, but all of the sparkly adornments reminded him of Bill. One of them caught his eye and he asked the salesperson to take it out. It was a necklace with a little square, black pendant, rimmed in a gold color and paired with a tiny cross. He bought it without asking the price.   
When he arrived back at the hotel, he took it out and looked at his before tossing it back in the bag. Why would Bill accept such a gift? They hardly knew each other and Tom wasn't sure what Bill would infer from it. He put it away in a drawer and chocked it up to blind stupidity, born from unchecked infatuation.   
He headed back out to Caribou and settled himself in his booth. Who knew when Bill would show up. He might have a long wait ahead of him. 

~

Against Bill's better judgment, he settled down at the bar for a drink that night. Gustav looked surprised to see him there. “I thought you might go to the Caribou tonight.” Gustav said when Bill eyed him.  
“Later.” Bill said and took a sip. He wasn't sure what was happening to him when it concerned Tom. No one had ever gotten under his skin like this before. He could hardly believe the talk they had engaged in the night before. Bill had shared his personal feelings and Tom had reciprocated. For the first time, in a long time, Bill felt safe saying what he was feeling without fear of retaliation. A part of Bill, the part that ached for a real human connection, liked what was happening with Tom. The other part of him, the part that was wary and street-hardened, told him to stay away.   
He had planned to stay all night at Tom's last night, but he had woken in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, fear lacing his veins. He had slipped out again and chased down a cab to take him back to the Rainbow.   
Now, he was at the same crossroads again. Find someone for the night or go to the Caribou. He had done both last night and he wasn't sure how that made him feel. Whorish and dirty, he knew for sure – having sex with one man and then sleeping in another's bed. It was despicable and Bill found himself discovering a new level of self-hatred.   
Gustav left him to drink and it wasn't long before someone sat down next to him.   
“You look pretty lonely here by yourself.”  
Bill looked over and found himself with a middle-aged, kind looking man. Last night, he had opted for gruff and strong. Most of the time, he wouldn't give this guy a chance but instead, he nodded, “Yeah, a little.”  
“You got a name?”   
“I don't do names.” Bill replied. It was the truth. He hadn't even told Tom his name. Tom had overheard it from Gustav and volunteered his own.   
The guy raised a brow.  
“If you're not down with that...” Bill shrugged. “Go find someone who is.” He tossed back another shot and slammed the glass back down on the counter. He looked over to find the man still sitting there. “But if you are...” He said, lowering his voice, “I keep a room upstairs.”  
The man's eyes flashed with curiosity and he nodded slowly.   
By the time they made it up the stairs, Bill had hands all over his ass and he could feel the first drops of arousal. When the door shut, the man pushed him down on the bed and stripped Bill's pants off. Bill handed over the lube that he kept in the room and pushed his ass up towards the man. In the next second, he felt a cock slide up into him and he braced his knees on the bed, biting his lip as the man took off at a driving pace.   
He was horrified when he found himself reliving a scenario simliar to last night. All he could think of was Tom and how disappointed he would be if he knew. And no matter how hard Bill tried, he couldn't come.

~

It was earlier than last night – only ten til eleven – when Tom saw Bill walking in. His head was down and he had his arms crossed over his thin chest tightly. He headed to the table and sat down, staring at the surface of the table.  
“What's wrong?” Tom inquired.  
Bill didn't respond and Tom had to repeat the question before Bill looked up. “I had sex again.” He said, but his eyes were watery. He sniffed quietly. “It was horrible.”  
Tom opened his mouth to say something, but couldn't. What was one supposed to say? I'm sorry?   
“I couldn't even come.” Bill went on and a miserable tear dribbled from one eye. “I tried and I tried. I even touched myself, but....” He sniffed once more and wiped at the tear with a knuckle.   
“Um...” Tom said at last. “Is there something... wrong?” He asked at last. He had been meaning Bill's anatomy, but Bill snapped, “Yes, there's something wrong! It's you!”  
“Me?” Tom asked, drawing back.  
“Yes.” Bill stated. “You're the reason why I can't come.”  
“I don't really see how-” Tom began.  
“Its because of you.” Bill repeated. “Everytime I start, I think of you, and I just... can't.”  
“You think about me when you're having sex?” Tom asked, surprised and a bit embarrassed at the confession.  
“Yes.” Bill's eyes darted away, his cheeks reddening.   
Silence stretched between them, before Bill whispered at last, “I want you, Tomi.”  
“Bill-” Tom began.  
“No.” Bill insisted. “I'm serious. You said that you should have sex with people you care about. And...” He lifted his chin. “I care about you.”   
Tom stared at Bill, unbelieving and shocked. He couldn't believe that Bill had just admitted that.   
“Bill.” He said. “We hardly know each other.”  
“I know you more than the other people I've slept with.” Bill countered.  
Tom shook his head. “I can't do this, Bill.”  
“Why not?” Bill asked, sounding frustrated.  
“Because.” Tom replied, sharply, “Once I do it, I can't take it back. I can't give you back.”  
“What do you mean?” Bill asked, his voice softening to a whisper.  
“I mean...” Tom struggled, running a hand through his dark hair, and pulling a full strands out of the messy bun at his nape. “I mean, I won't be able to let go. It will mean I love you.”  
Bill stared at him, as if agape for a second.  
“Look,” Tom said, firmly, “In my book, love comes first. Then sex. Not I like you, then sex, then love.”  
They stared at each other for a moment and then Bill rose abruptly. “I don't know if I can love, Tomi.” He said. “But I can feel.” With that, he turned and began to march away. Tom was out of his seat and chasing after him before he could think. He couldn't let Bill walk away from him, ever.  
He followed him out into the parking lot and found Bill standing next to Tom's car, smoking, pensively.   
“Bill,” Tom said, jogging up to him. “What does that mean?”   
Bill tapped ashes from the end of his cigarette and turned dark eyes on Tom. “It means I'm damaged goods, Tomi.” He said, spitefully.   
“No. The last part.” Tom said. “The part about feeling.”  
Bill sighed and took another drag of the cigarette. He blew out smoke from between his full lips and whispered, “I don't really feel anything when I have sex, Tomi, but, you... you make me feel. Even when we're just standing here talking. I can feel something. Everywhere. In my arms, my legs, my head...” His gaze shifted directly to Tom again, when he whispered, “I feel... down there.”  
Tom drew in a sharp breath and took a step back.   
“Bill...”  
“But, there's something else.” Bill said. He turned to fully face Tom and Tom could see the sincerity in his eyes. “I feel in my heart.” He frowned as if confused. “Especially in my heart.” He dropped the cigarette and ground it into the asphalt before stepping closer. “Take me home, Tomi.” He whispered, pressing his hands against Tom's chest before leaning his head down against his shoulder. “I don't care if we have sex.” He whispered. “I just want to feel.”


	8. Makeouts and Makeup

Bill and Tom entered the hotel room together with Bill clinging to Tom's arm. Bill felt very confused at the moment but he knew one thing for sure – he didn't want to let go of Tom's strong, steady arm.  
They took off their shoes and Tom suggested that they change. He disentangled his arm from Bill's hands and went to the bathroom to put on sweatpants and a t-shirt. Bill watched him go, slightly disappointed. Tom was handling him with kid gloves. He was being careful not to be too suggestive or even unwittingly sensual.  
Bill sighed and found the Tom's shirt that he had worn the past few nights. He lifted it to his nose and found that Tom had washed it. Bill smiled at his thoughtfulness and stripped off his clothes to change into the shirt.  
He looked up at himself in the mirror that stood over the dresser and chewed nervously on his lower lip. Was this the person that Tom claimed to care so much about? Surely not. Gazing at himself, Bill thought about everything that was wrong with him, from his toothpick skinny legs to his funny shaped ears. Why did Tom want him?  
Heaving another sigh, Bill went back to the bed and laid down. The bed was big enough for him to spread out his arms and legs and still have enough room and he did so. His bed at the loft had a crappy mattress that was hard and poked springs into his side in the middle of the night. This one was soft and it had Tom in it.  
“Gonna hog the bed all night?” Tom's voice jolted him out of his thoughts and Bill moved over.  
“Sorry.” He said sheepishly. “Its just... been a long time since I've laid in a bed this nice.”  
A frown flickered across Tom's brow. “Well, this one is open to you as long as you want.”  
“Lay down.” Bill entreated softly, patting the mattress and looking up at Tom with doe eyes. Tom nodded and slid onto the bed next to Bill. Bill immediately curled up next to him and the slid beneath the covers. For several moments, the only sound was of their synchonized breathing.  
Bill pressed closer to Tom, gripping Tom's t-shirt. This couldn't be real. He couldn't be lying in bed with this wonderful who had indicated that he wanted him – not just for his body, but for him. He couldn't be in the company of such a kind person. It just didn't happen to Bill Trumper.  
“Is this real?” He whispered at last, voicing his thoughts.  
“Hmm?” Tom asked, patting Bill's shoulder slowly.  
“Is this real?” Bill repeated. “I can't believe this is real... that's all.”  
“Why wouldn't it be real?” Tom asked, chuckling softly.  
“I mean, good things don't happen to me.” Bill clarified. “Good things like you.”  
“Obviously I did happen to you, Bill. And its real. Very real.” He hugged Bill closer for a moment and Bill felt unexpected tears in his eyes.  
“Do that again.” He whispered.  
“What?”  
“Hug me.” Bill answered, feeling strangled with emotion.  
Tom pulled him closer, wrapping both arms around him and this time, he didn't let go. Bill buried his face in Tom's chest, breathing in the scent that rose off his tanned chest. When he lifted his eyes to Tom's, Tom's face was serious. He lifted a hand to Bill's cheek, stroking softly along his his cheekbone and down his jaw. Bill drew in a sharp breath as he inclined his head towards him. He suddenly knew with terrifying certainty that he was about to be kissed. He froze in Tom's arms as Tom's mouth pressed down against his. His lips were soft and warm, his stubble chafing. He wasn't demanding – only soft and kind.  
For a moment, Bill couldn't more or respond. None of his bedmates every really took the time to kiss him. Typically, they wanted to get in him as fast as possible and get off. Tom, on the other hand, had refused him sex, in return for this overwhelmingly beautiful gesture.  
Bill melted against him, his lips going slack. Tom slanted his mouth along Bill's, sucking for a moment at Bill's lower lip before Bill felt the tip of his tongue swipe along his teeth and dive inside. Bill let out a low moan as Tom's hot tongue plunged inside his mouth. Tom's hand was at his jaw, holding his face to his and Bill felt him push him back onto the mattress and lean over him. Bill relaxed against the sheets as Tom molded their mouths together again and again. He had never felt such pleasure before. He had never gained such a raging desire from a simple kiss – but it was so much more than simple, so much more. It meant more than words could ever say and Bill hoped he was converying his feelings as well as Tom was.  
He reached up to respond, his hand finding Tom's bulging bicep. He slid his other hand up Tom's chest, covering Tom's pectoral with his palm. He could almost feel his heart beating wildly beneath the flesh.  
At last, Tom pulled away and Bill opened his eyes slowly. He looked up at Tom, finding the other man's cheeks a glowing pink, his full lips wet with saliva.  
They spoke at the same moment, saying each other's name. Tom frowned and opened his mouth.  
“I know.” Bill interrupted him. “No sex.”  
Tom frowned once more and shut his mouth.  
“That doesn't rule out kissing.” Bill said, a bit breathlessly.  
“That's a little risky, don't you think?” Tom asked, his own voice husky.  
“Please.” Bill whispered. “No one...” He lifted a hand to brush back a strand of hair that had come loose from Tom's bun, “No one has ever kissed me like that before.”  
“No one?” Tom asked, moving his own hand over to stroke Bill's hair back from his forehead.  
Bill shook his head. “Not for a long time.”  
Tom nodded and leaned in once more, his lips brushing softly. Bill tried to lift his head up, to meet the kiss but Tom held him down with a firm hand. His brushed his lips over Bill's once more, their noses bumping together. Bill opened his eyes and stared up at Tom's, so close to him.  
“Please.” He whispered once more. “I want you to kiss me... so bad...”  
He felt Tom shudder against him. He squeezed his eyes shut, his jaw clenching as his fingers flexed around Bill's wrists. “Don't do that.” He ground out.  
“What?” Bill asked.  
“Don't say things like that.” Tom ordered, his blazing eyes opening once more.  
Bill batted his eyelashes up at him. “But I do.”  
Tom groaned and rolled away from him, sitting up on the edge of the bed and covering his face in his hands.  
“Tomi.” Bill said, lifting himself up on one elbow.  
“You're too beautiful.” Tom choked out, bending over now with his elbows on his knees.  
“Beautiful?” Bill asked.  
“Yes.” Tom replied, standing abruptly from the bed. He had his back turned but Bill could see him adjusting his crotch. He bit back a smile, suddenly feeling very proud that he had elicited that reaction from Tom who usually seemed like an ironclad ship when it came to Bill's advances.  
“I thought you said no sex.” Bill whispered.  
“I did.” Tom snapped, before letting out a breath. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I just...” He shook his head, looking back at Bill. “Sometimes I can't control myself around you.”  
Bill raised a brow. “Really?”  
Tom slumped back down on the bed. “Why don't we just go to sleep.”  
“Because.” Bill said, sliding up behind Tom and wrapping his arms and legs around him. “I want more kisses.” He pressed his lips against Tom's neck. The flesh was hot and fevered. He felt Tom shudder once more and pressed another kiss lower down, open-mouthed.  
“Bill, stop.” Tom said, his voice firm but quavering. “We just had this conversation. In the parking lot, remember?”  
Bill stilled. He did remember. But he was sure, now, more than ever, that he wanted Tom – not just for his body, but for everything. He was beginning to think that this was how normal people felt in a real relationship.  
“Okay.” He acqueisced at last and released Tom. They laid back down and Tom gathered him up again.  
They were quiet before Tom said. “Let me take you to dinner tomorrow.”  
Bill lifted his eyes. “Are you asking me out on a date?”  
A tiny smile lifted Tom's lips. “Yes.”  
“Dinner.” Bill said, in wonder. “I've never been out to dinner before.”  
“Never?” Tom asked.  
“No.” Bill shook his head. “Never.”  
“Then it will be your first.” Tom said.  
Bill nodded and laid his head down, feeling immensely happy. This was happy, wasn't it? This warm, delighted, giddy feelings inside?  
Bill snuggled up against Tom and drifted in sleep. His last thought was that he wished Tom had been there to take all of his firsts.

~

Tom half-expected Bill to be gone again when he awoke, but was pleasantly surprised when his first cognizant thought that morning was that their was an incredibly warm, soft body pressed up against him. He didn't open his eyes for a few minutes, simply listening to Bill's breathing and the feeling of his chest rising and falling with each inhale.  
At last, Tom opened his eyes and looked down at his sleeping beauty. He still wore makeup from last night, but it was smudged. His dark, lashes were spread across his pale cheeks and his full lips were parted softly. Those lips. Tom could hardly believe he had kissed Bill the night before. It had been as if he hadn't been in control of his own body. Suddenly, he was leaning down and kissing Bill, pressing his tongue in to taste that wonderful mouth. Tom shuddered slightly, remembering it. He had almost lost control, but had reigned himself in at the last moment. Goddamnit, he had sworn not to follow in the footsteps of Bill's former lovers.  
Tom drew a fingers over Bill's temple, tracing it down his hairline and behind his ear. He looked beautiful enough to be an angel. An angel with terrible demons, Tom reminded himself. He had to treat Bill specially and carefully, or else he might slip through his fingers.  
Tom smiled when he remembered dinner that night. He couldn't believe that Bill had said yes. He hardly believed a lot of things that had happened in the past few days.  
I'm taking another man on a date.Tom thought, somewhat amused by the thought. He chuckled softly. What has become of me?  
Bill stirred softly and Tom leaned down to press a kiss agianst his lips. Bill's lashes fluttered and Tom whispered, “Good morning.”  
Bill frowned softly as he opened bleary eyes. “Tom?” He croaked.  
“Mmm-hmm. I'm still here.” He stated then frowned. “And so are you. I thought you might leave again.”  
Bill stretched and rubbed his eyes. “I never woke up.” He said, his voice rough with sleep.  
Tom glanced down to see his t-shirt riding up Bill's thighs and his stomach fluttered once more at the sight of Bill's spandex-covered crotch. He quickly forced his eyes away before Bill could notice.  
“So...” Tom said, “Are you going back to the Rainbow until tonight.”  
Bill settled back against the bed and glanced over at Tom hesitantly, “Why don't I just stay with you?”  
“Well...” Tom began, caught off guard by Bill's request. “If you want.” He said at last.  
“Good.” Bill said, sitting up in bed and clapping his hands. “What will we do today, Tomi?” He asked, jumping over into Tom's lap. Tom caught him, finding himself slightly amused by Bill's high spirits.  
“You're in a good mood today.” He said.  
Bill shrugged. “Normally I don't want to get out of bed. Gustav has to make me.” His face soured for a moment, and Tom had to remember the depths of Bill's insecurities and problems. “But...” He shrugged once more. “You make me feel like there's something to live for.”  
“There is.” Tom replied, leaning in close and kissing Bill softly. “There always is.”  
“After last night there is.” Bill added, and then frowned, before amending, “After meeting you, there is.”  
Tom stared at Bill for a moment, stunned by the impact the statement made upon him. He had set out with the intention of changing and helping Bill but to know that he had somewhat accomplished his mission knocked him off his feet for a moment.  
“Won't Gustav wonder what happened to you?” Tom asked as Bill jumped off his lap and headed towards the bathroom.  
“He knows I'm with you so he knows I'm okay.” Bill called back before the bathroom door shut. Tom sat on the bed, staring dumbly at the wall. Now, not only Bill had faith in him, but Gustav did as well. The stoic, yet somehow equally explosive club owner was trusting him with Bill. Tom shook his head. Everything had evolved so quickly; it made Tom's head spin.  
He heard the toilet flush and the water run before Bill opened the door. “Acutally,” He called out, “If we're hitting the town, I do want to go back to my loft to get new clothes and makeup.”  
“Do you really need the makeup?” Tom asked as Bill reappeared.  
“Yes.” Bill stated quickly, not giving Tom a chance to argue.  
He grabbed his clothes from last night and pulled the pants on underneath Tom's t-shirt. He came and sat back down next to Tom, “Do you not like it?” He asked, at last.  
Tom struggled for a moment, before he said, “I don't want you to feel like you have to dress up for me, that's all.”  
Bill nodded and reached over to grab Tom's hand. He laced his fingers through Tom's and said, “I need it, okay?”  
Tom nodded, “Okay. We'll go back to the Rainbow and then go out on the town.” He smiled at Bill and patted his hand, before going to take his turn in the bathroom. He informed Bill he was going to take a quick shower and headed inside. His mind ran ahead of itself, wondering what the day could hold. He decided it didn't matter what happened, as long as he was with Bill.


	9. Vows and Promises

“I'm not having sex anymore.”  
Tom looked up from his fish sandwich with raised brows, stopping mid-chew to look at Bill.  
He swallowed the bite and said, “Really?”  
“Yeah.” Bill said flippantly, drawing his shrimp through cocktail sauce. He had insisted upon this seafood place, saying that he didn't really enjoy meat. With a twinkle in his eye, he had amended, “Well, not that kind of meat.” And now, suddenly, he was swearing himself to celibacy?  
“Okay.” Tom replied, slowly, once more.  
“I mean, I'm not having sex until we do.” Bill said, popping in the shrimp between his lips.   
Tom put down his sandwich altogether, shifting uncomfortably in his chair. He glanced about the restaurant, discreetly checking to see if anyone had overheard. Then he remembered that he was in LA and no one knew him here. Only Bill knew him here and so far they had, had a fabulous day. Bill had dragged him to giant zoo and aquarium, like an excited small child, and Tom was sure he was seeing a new part of Bill – a part he liked. It was a relief to see him smiling – happy. He hadn't let go of Tom's hand, practically all day and Tom had let him cling to him. He found himself smiling more too, and discovered fluttering sensations in his stomach that people often referred to as butterflies.   
Now Bill was announcing that they were most certainly having sex, although, he didn't push the “when.”   
A sudden dumb grin broke out on Tom's face. “Wow.” He said, reaching across the table. Bill's hand met him halfway and he squeezed.   
“I can't wait.” He murmured, looking up at Tom through dark lashes and a shock of hair that had fallen into his eyes. He looked so wonderfully appealing and Tom wondered how he had held it together this far. He drew in a deep breath, wanting to pull Bill across the table and kiss him again.   
“I've thought about it, you know.” Bill went on, almost in a conversational tone as he dipped more shrimp.  
Yeah, me too. Tom thought but didn't say the words.   
“And I think you're going to be the best I ever had.” Bill stated.   
“Bill, come on, now.” Tom said, feeling embarrassment heat his cheeks. “I'm not really...  
experienced.”   
Bill shrugged. “Yeah, but I know you care about me.”  
Tom nodded slowly, feeling of the impact of those words so fiercely that his throat tightened. Bill was trusting him, really trusting him. How long could Tom act like he hadn't known Bill before their meeting? How would he ever tell him that he had been hired by his parents?   
“I do care about you.” He said, softly instead, stroking his thumb over Bill's hand. A fluttering smile passed over Bill's lips, and his large dark eyes blinked slowly.   
They fell into silence and continued eating, but Tom knew they were both thinking about the conversation.   
When they finished eating, Tom grabbed both of the bills before Bill could take his. “I've got this.” He said, smoothly, as they stood from the booth.  
“Wow.” Bill said, “This is a real date, isn't it?”  
“Yes.” Tom said, offering Bill his arm. Bill linked his through Tom's as they made their way to the counter. The cashier smiled at them, fondly, and told them to have a wonderful afternoon.   
“We will!” Bill said with a brilliant smile. He looked over at Tom, and asked, “Where to next?”  
“Wherever you want.” Tom said, leading them out the door.  
Bill became silent, contemplating that. “I wish I could do that.” He said at last. Tom looked over at him, sensing that they were no longer talking about the afternoon's activities. “I wish I could leave here and go wherever I want.”  
“You could.” Tom said.   
Bill shrugged. “It wouldn't matter. I carry a bad reputation with me, no matter where I go.”  
“Then change it.” Tom replied.   
“How can you say that so easily?” Bill asked as they reached the car.   
“Because it can be done.” Tom insisted, opening the passenger's side door for Bill. Bill slid in and looked back up at Tom.   
“Maybe.” He frowned. “I think you're changing me.”  
“I'm glad to help,” Tom said, “But its a personal decision to change something about yourself. I didn't make you decide to stop having sex.”  
“Yeah, but I did it for you.” Bill smiled, shyly.   
Tom nodded, and rounded the car. He murmured to himself while Bill couldn't hear, “And I'd do anything for you.”

~

Tom awoke lazily the next morning to find Bill still cuddled next to him. He smiled softly, reaching down a hand to stroke Bill's cheekbone and jaw. He lay back, remembering the day before. They had spent all day with each other, and it had felt something like paradise.   
I think I'm in love. Tom pondered.   
Their dinner the night before had been more extravagant than fish, and they had spent the time simply talking, their fingers entwined. Unlike at lunch, Bill had sat next to him in the booth at dinner, his body pressed up against Tom's the entire time. Upon returning, they had dropped into bed, exhausted from the day's excursion.  
Now Tom took the time to watch Bill's sleeping face, like he had the morning before. He was so beautiful and Tom thought he might be able to watch him forever.   
At last, however, Bill began to stir. He stretched slowly against Tom's side, rubbing his warm abdomen along Tom's. Tom let his eyes wander and he breathed quickly at the sight of Bill's bare legs and spandex boyshorts.   
Bill cracked his eyes open, whispering in a rough voice, “Tomi...”  
“Mmm-hmm.” Tom murmured, leaning down to place a kiss on Bill's lips. Bill hummed in elated surprise and relaxed against the sheets, his mouth pliant beneath Tom's. Tom slid one hand down and grasped Bill's side, pulling him closer. His flesh was warm and soft beneath Tom's t-shirt and he arched into Tom's hold. Their crotches grazed and Tom could feel that they were both equally aroused. It was so tempting to strip down and take Bill right here, but Tom pulled back. They had no protection or lube on hand and Tom still felt they needed to take is slow.   
“Why'd you stop?” Bill asked, opening his eyes.  
“You know.” Tom said, giving him once last kiss before rolling from the bed. Bill watched him go, a slight pout on his face. Tom headed for the bathroom to shower, and he heard Bill call out,   
“I'll just be here waiting.” He sounded slightly petulant and Tom smiled.   
He got into the bathroom and stripped down, finding himself half-erect. Goddamnit, how did Bill do it? In less than fifteen seconds, he had Tom's blood racing. Determined to see this through, Tom got into the shower and let it run cool for a few moments to let it soothe his fevered body. He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes.   
He wanted Bill so badly, but he knew more than his vow not to take advantage of Bill was holding him back. His thoughts of telling Bill about his being a PI returned and Tom gave a groan. He had never meant to become this involved and now he was neck deep. The truth had to come out eventually, and Tom wondered just how deeply it would wound Bill. Would it undo everything that they had accomplished in the past few days?   
Tom showered quickly, suddenly chilled at the thought of his own deceit ripping Bill away from him. Just one more day. Tom thought. Just give me one more day like yesterday.   
He toweled off and dressed in fresh clothes. He stepped up to the mirror and brushed through his long dark hair before trimming his stubble back. He drew in a breath and turned to door.  
All of his previous thoughts were destroyed, however, when the sight on the bed met his eyes.

~

Bill lay in bed with his arms crossed, staring at the ceiling. He couldn't understand why Tom was denying him. He was trying to be patient but he couldn't understand Tom's hesitance anymore. Bill had sworn not to sex with anyone else. He had pretty much made himself exclusive to Tom. After the date yesterday, Bill had thought they would be moving forward. He realized that it all seemed a bit quick, but he had never been more sure about something – he wanted Tom and he wanted him for the long term. Wasn't that enough?  
Bill glanced at the closed bathroom door, and thought about sneaking in. He realized that wouldn't be the best idea and stayed in bed. But, goddamnit, Tom had given him a raging erection and he wasn't sure how long it was going to take for it to go away. He hadn't felt this kind of unsatiable desire since he was teenager.   
Bill listened to the shower run for a few more moments before he tossed the sheets back at last and ripped his boyshorts down. His hands were trembling as he pushed Tom's large shirt away from his stomach, baring his throbbing erection completely. He gripped it in one hand, a moan of pleasure immediately leaving his lips. He tilted his head back, his lips parting, as he began to draw his hand up and down. He couldn't remember the last time he had masturbated – he had never had the need until now.   
Bill lifted one leg against his chest and slid his hand down between his legs. His fingers stroked at his tight hole and he bit down on his lower lip to keep back cries of pleasure. He rubbed his middle finger over the puckered flesh until it began to relax and open. A strangled cry managed to escape his lips as he pushed his finger in. His hand at his cock wavered as he curled his finger inside, searching for the one spot that would intensify the pleasure tenfold.   
He arched from the bed when his finger hit his prostate. He whimpered, sounding more like a wounded animal than a man in the throes of pleasure.   
“Jesus...” He whispered, before a more appropriate name slipped from his lips. “Oh, Tom...”  
His fingers squeezed down on his cock and he began his pace again, this time thrusting his finger along with his hand. He twisted his hand up and down the aching column, dragging his thumb over his tip at the height of each stroke. He could feel pre-cum dampening his thumb and a wail left his lips.   
“Fuck...” He ground out. “Tom... fuck, please...” He forced a second finger into his quivering entrance, the two diving in to stroke over his prostate again and again. His arms were burning already, but he didn't stop – he couldn't.  
He was so enthralled by the pleasure that he didn't hear the footsteps until they were right next to the bed. His eyes flew open and he found himself face to face with Tom's dark eyes. He gasped in a breath, not knowing whether he should stop or not.  
“Tom, I was just...” He whispered, although he was sure the situation didn't need explaining.   
“Come here.” Tom said suddenly and Bill felt his stomach twist in a delicious way he had never known before. His lips parted again, but he couldn't say anything.  
Suddenly Tom was above him, his hand covering Bill's, urging him on. Bill stared up into Tom's dark eyes as their hands moved together. “Yes....” He whispered, his brows furrowing.   
“Slow down.” Tom ordered, leaning down to kiss as Bill's lips, then lower down on his perspiring neck and chest. His long hair was down and still wet from the shower. It fell down around them, tickling at Bill's arms and chest.  
“But, Tom...” Bill groaned, not wanting to follow that command.   
Tom's teeth latched onto his neck and Bill gave a high, wavering cry, his body arching against Tom's solid chest. The cry ended in a sob as Tom began to jack him slowly and purposefully. Bill could hardly keep up the twin motion of his hand. He wanted to let Tom do this to him, all on his own.   
“T-Tom...” Bill moaned, squirming up against him. He felt Tom's cock press against his naked thigh, clothed by his jeans but none the less hard. “Tom, I want...” He whispered, trying to convey his desire in simple words.   
Tom didn't reply, He kept his hand working steadily over Bill's cock, his wrist twisting every few pumps. Bill writhed against the bed, his hand completely falling away to grasp at the mattress. His other hand, that had been in him went slack as well, his fingers sliding from him. His hips moved in taut circles against Tom's hand, his eyes barely remaining open. But he wanted to see Tom's face, wanted Tom to see him.  
It didn't take much longer before Bill was rising up from the bed, the pleasure gripping him in a sudden, strong wave. He felt it curl up in his stomach before lashing out like a wild animal. He cried out with abandon, in a way he hadn't for a very long time. He shivered uncontrollably against Tom, panting and sweating, as he came. The pent up desire from the last few days finally released itself in hot abundance, spilling over Tom's hand and Bill's stomach.   
At last, Bill relaxed against the mattress, breathing hard. “Oh, Tomi...” He mumbled, “That was...” He could barely open his eyes, feeling exhausted from the way the orgasm had ravaged him.   
When Tom didn't reply, Bill opened his eyes and found Tom sitting at the edge of the bed with his back to him, wiping at his hand with a Kleenex.  
“Tomi?” Bill asked, rolling towards him. His boyshorts were tangled around his ankles, but instead of pulling them up, he kicked them off and sat up. He crawled up behind Tom, wrapping his legs and arms around him. “You're being quiet.” He said in his ear.  
Tom nodded, and Bill could tell he wanted to say something.  
“What?” Bill asked. He rubbed his foot over Tom's legs, pushing his heel over against Tom's crotch. Tom released a quiet moan as Bill found the flesh hard as rock.  
“You want me to?” Bill asked, sliding his hand down Tom's chest to accompany his foot.   
“Bill...” Tom whispered, his hand gripping Bill's instep.   
“It was soooo good, Tomi.” Bill whispered in his ear, shivering slightly against Tom's back. “Let me...” He slid out from behind Tom and came to stand in front of him. Tom's shirt barely covered him and he toyed with the edge, sending Tom the most sensual look he could dredge up. Tom's eyes were almost black with desire now and Bill stepped forward, determined to break down whatever barriers Tom still had up.   
He pressed his knee between Tom's thighs and placed a hand on his chest. He pushed him back and Tom fell back onto the bed. His brows were drawn, his teeth worrying his lower lip.   
“Come on,” Bill whispered, kneeling at the edge of the bed between Tom's legs. “I know you want to.” He reached up and opened Tom's pants. He felt giddy, like he was unwrapping a Christmas present. He pulled Tom's pants and boxers away and Tom's cock rose up, hard and throbbing. Bill let out a tiny gasp as he laid eyes on it. “Mmm, Tomi, you're so big.” He whispered, leaning in close. He slid his fingers around the base and Tom groaned, his body going taut.   
“Bill, Bill..” He whispered, looking down his chest at Bill.  
“You want me to?” Bill repeated, pulling Tom's cock towards his mouth. He rubbed the tip over his lower lip and Tom's eyes rolled back in his head. Confidant of Tom's desires, Bill slid in even closer, adjusting himself between Tom's legs. He parted his lips and pressed Tom's tip between them. He closed his eyes as the heady scent filled his nostrils, the sharp taste meeting his tongue. He sucked slowly, pulling more of Tom's cock into his mouth.   
“Jesus, Bill...” Tom groaned, his hands reached down and grasping at his dark locks.   
Bill went down steadily, slowly filling his mouth with Tom's cock. He stroked his tongue along the underside, the stud sliding along the column of flesh. Tom gave another moan, his fingers twisting harder in Bill's hair.   
Bill stroked his hands over Tom's naked thighs, his long nails scraping. He felt a shiver go through Tom's body and he let his fingers dance all the way up to Tom's cock. He gripped the base again, pulling the flesh up to meet his descending mouth. Tom nearly thrashed beneath him, crying out Bill's name. The sound sent Bill's own round of shivers crashing over him. He sounded so pleasured, so needy. He needed Bill.   
Bill slid his other hand between Tom's legs, finding his heavy testicles. He cupped them in his hand, squeezing and stroking softly until Tom sobbed in pleasure. Bill felt them tighten and sucked off of Tom's cock until the tip was resting between his lips again. He looked up at Tom's hazy expression with half-lidded eyes.   
“Bill, please...” Tom whispered and Bill had never felt so obliged. He swirled his tongue over the head of Tom's cock, letting his tongue ring drag over the tiny, leaking slit. Tom's head fell back to the mattress and he gave a moan. Feeling a smile on his lips, Bill slid his mouth over Tom's cock once more. He tightened his entire mouth around it, dragging him all the way to the back of his throat.   
“Bill, Bill...” Tom cried out urgently as Bill relaxed his throat, let Tom slide in deeper. “Fuck!” Tom shouted, nearly rising up from the bed. Bill grabbed at his hips, pushing him back down before he choked him. He breathed steadily through his nose, flexing his throat around Tom's cock, keeping his mouth working around his shaft.   
“Bill, oh please...” Tom groaned. “Please, I'm going to...” He voice trailed off breathlessly and Bill felt his body begin to shudder. He drew back until Tom's tip was on his tongue, spilling hot, thick cum onto it. Bill closed his eyes and sucked, drinking everything he had to give. The taste filled his entire head and he gave one last suck before releasing Tom's spent cock.   
“God, did you...?” Tom's voice trailed off when he saw the drop of cum on Bill's lower lip. Bill licked it away with a flick of his tongue and climbed back up on the bed.   
“Yes.” He replied to Tom's unfinished question and smacked his lips. “Mmm, Tomi, you're so delicious. Tom stared over at him with wide eyes. Bill smiled and rolled over onto him. “That was amazing.” He said as he settled down against Tom's broad, heaving chest. Tom lifted a hand and stroked Bill's hair slowly. “I don't usually get to come like that.” Bill said, quietly.   
“What do you mean?” Tom asked.  
“I mean, I don't get a lot of foreplay.” Bill chuckled, before adding, “Well, I didn't. Now...”  
Tom slid his arms around him and gave a deep sigh.   
“I know.” Bill said with a smirk, “No sex.”  
“Not yet.” Tom murmured, but Bill could hear the thoughtful tone in his voice. He lifted his head to look into Tom's eyes.   
“Soon?” He asked.  
Tom looked up at him and Bill could only describe his look as adoring. Someone adored him – it was incredible.   
“I never wanted someone more than you.” Tom said, quietly, lifting a hand to stroke his cheekbone. Bill was quickly becoming accustomed to the affectionate touch and he leaned into Tom's hand. “And when I say that, I mean you.” He said, sounding serious. “I just... want to be with you all the time.”  
Bill shuddered. This couldn't be happening to him. It was all too good.   
“If I leave here like we said yesterday,” Bill whispered, “Will you come with me?”  
Tom's brow furrowed and he whispered, “I don't think I could let you go.”  
“Then don't.” Bill whispered, lying back down against Tom's chest. “Don't ever let me go.”

~

Tom couldn't believe himself when he found himself researching sex – gay sex, that was. He had been straight his entire life, but he had never met Bill before that. Now, he wanted to do this right.  
It can't be that hard. Tom thought. Bill was in the shower now and he was taking the private time to start up his computer and do a bit of research. Tom was used to researching, but never anything like this.   
Thinking back on what had just occurred, Tom could not recall a more mind-blowing experience. He'd had plenty of blowjobs in his life but none quiet like what Bill had just done to him. Tom could feel desire curling in his stomach once more, just thinking about it.  
It had all made one thing for certain – Tom and Bill were going to have sex. Tom didn't think he could resist Bill any longer, especially after seeing that lithe body pressed against him, his cock pressing hotly into his hand. Tom closed his eyes, reliving what had happened next – Bill's mouth all over him.   
He forced his eyes open and found himself trying to grow another erection. He frowned and told his cock to just forget it. They were moving slowly. He glanced back up at the screen, trying not to feel uncomfortable as he read several intimate paragraphs. He suppressed a groan as he thought about doing all these things to Bill.   
He heard the shower shut off and he quickly put the laptop away. For an inexplicable reason, Tom didn't want Bill to see him researching sex. Maybe it made him feel inadequate or inexperienced. He was both, but Tom wanted to be capable enough to pleasure Bill. He'd seemed capable enough when he was jacking Bill off. That action was very different from penetration, Tom reminded himself. He could do that to himself – he most certainly couldn't do what Bill had done.  
Bill emmerged from the shower in Tom's t-shirt and his boyshorts. “I think I should bring some of my clothes over here.” Bill suggested. “I don't want to go back to the Rainbow every day.”  
“Okay.” Tom replied. “We can drive over there right now and get some stuff.”  
“Okay.” Bill smiled brilliantly.   
Bill put on his clothes from the night before again and they headed out the car. They drove to the Rainbow with their hands clasped over the gearshift.  
“I think I'll just run inside.” Bill said. “You don't have to come in.”  
Tom nodded, remembering the last time he had been in there. He had thought Gustav was going to pull a baseball bat out from under the counter. He agreed to stay in the car although he didn't want to be away from Bill for even that small amount of time.  
Bill headed into the club, finding it deserted at this early of an hour. He headed upstairs and found Gustav in their shared loft.   
“Bill!” Gustav exclaimed. “Where have you been for two days?”  
“With Tomi.” Bill replied, pulling his closet door open and finding his old suitcase.  
“Wait...” Gustav came up behind him. “Are you packing?”  
“Yes.” Bill replied, throwing open his dresser drawers and pulling out pants and shirts.   
“Where are you going?”  
“Well, I'm kind of moving to Tom's hotel room.” Bill said, smiling over his shoudler.  
Gustav became silent but Bill continued to throw clothes haphazardly into the suitcase.   
“So you're just going to up and move in with the guy.” Gustav said.  
“Yep.” Bill replied, breezily.  
“Isn't that a little.. fast?” Gustav questioned.  
“Fast?” Bill asked, and shrugged. “I don't think so.”  
“Look, why don't you think this over?” Gustav asked.   
Bill gave a sigh, pausing from his packing. “I already have.”  
“Look, I know you like him,” Gustav began, “But just because someone acts like their nice, doesn't mean its true.”  
“Gustav.” Bill said, turning about. “This is real. More real than anything that's ever happened to me. I don't know how to explain it.” He threw his hands out.  
“But he's a complete stranger.”  
“Not completely.” Bill said, throwing a wink in Gustav's direction.  
“So he fucks you more than once and you think that he's what? In love with you?” Gustav asked, stepping in closer.   
Bill spun around, feeling a sudden rush of anger towards his friend. “He didn't fuck me, okay?” He snapped in a near shout. “We haven't... done that.” He added, more calmly.   
Gustav stared at him in disbelief over that fact, over the whole thing. “I can't believe this.” He muttered, running a hand over his short, blonde hair.   
“You think I'm losing my mind.” Bill said. “But I'm not. I've finally found it.” He went on, “He doesn't have to force me out of bed in the morning because I know there's something to live for. We don't have to drink to have fun. We just do. And we don't have to have sex to be... intimate.” Bill shrugged. “Its just... like nothing I've ever felt before.”  
Gustav stared at him. “But he's still a stranger. You met him how many days ago?”  
“I don't know.” Bill smiled. “I don't remember.”  
“See?” Gustav said. “What do you even know about him besides his name?”  
“I know he cares about me.” Bill said, opening his closet again and beginning to pull out shoes.   
“But what about other things?” Gustav asked. “What's his job? Does he have a wife he's .not telling you about?”  
“She died.” Bill snapped, throwing a hateful look over his shoulder. “He wouldn't do that to.”   
Gustav let out a sigh. “You're really going to do this.”  
“Yes.” Bill said, running to the bathroom to grab his makeup and his hair straightener. He came back with the items and found Gustav sitting at the edge of the bed. He sighed and dropped the things into the suitcase. He went to sit next to Gustav and grabbed his hand. “Look.” He said softly, “I know you're used to taking care of me. And I really needed that for awhile. I can't ever repay you for what you've done for me. And you will always be my best friend, but... I've found someone. Someone who I think can really love me. And maybe I can really love him.”  
Gustav looked over at him and Bill leaned in to kiss his cheek. “You've been so good to me, Gus. You're the sweetest man on the earth.”  
Gustav smiled softly. “If you ever need to come back, I'm here.”  
“I know.” Bill smiled. “I know I can always depend on you.”


	10. Love and War

“I want icecream.” Bill declared as they pulled back out on the road. He had returned with a suitcase that stuffed full and Tom had helped him lift it into the trunk.   
“Icecream for breakfast?” Tom laughed.  
“Yes, what's wrong with that?” Bill asked, throwing him a dazzling smile.  
“Nothing.” Tom said. “Absolutely nothing.”  
“Good,” Bill said, “Because I know this little place just a few minutes away.”   
He gave Tom instructions and then turned on the radio. Tom was a bit surprised as he recalled Simone saying that Bill had stopped singing after Marc's death.   
The Beach Boys' “Don't Worry, Baby” began to filter through the speakers and Tom was even more surprised when Bill began to hum along. He caught Tom's sidelong glance and asked, “What? You think I'm too young to know the The Beach Boys?”  
“Maybe.” Tom laughed.   
Bill threw his head back and laughed and for a moment Tom could not take his eyes off the beautiful sight. When Bill looked back at him, his eyes were crinkled, his cheeks rounded with the smile on his face. He pointed at Tom and began to sing, “Don't worry, baby, don't worry, baby... everything will turn out all right...”  
Tom smiled, realizing that he was hearing the angel's voice that Simone had spoken about for the first time. He wished with all his heart that Jorg had never touched him, that Marc had never died, that all the bad things that had ever happened to Bill would simply vanish. He wished that Bill would have kept on singing in this beautiful, sweet voice.   
“Just take along my love with you,” Bill sang on, his head bobbing, “And if you knew how much I loved you, baby, nothing could go wrong with you...”  
Tom reached over and grabbed Bill's hand, squeezing tight. He suddenly knew in his heart that the words of the song were true to them. He did love Bill. For the first time in many years, he let himself realize that he could. 

~

Over icecream, Bill leaned against Tom's arm and became silent. After the display in the car, Tom felt uneasy with Bill's sudden quiet.   
They were seated at an outside table that had a big yellow umbrella over it. There was hardly anyone else on the patio and Tom felt comfortable with their public display of affection. He didn't, however, feel comfortable with prolonged silences.  
“Something wrong?” He asked casually.  
Bill shrugged and ate a bite of chocolate fudge icecream. “Gustav thinks that I should think about what I'm doing before I move in with you.”  
“Well...” Tom said, “I'm sure he's just concerned for your safety.”  
“I know he is.” Bill said. “He always worries about me.”  
“He has a reason, doesn't he?” Tom said, gently.  
“He used to.” Bill said, lifting his head from Tom's shoulder to look at him. “But he doesn't understand what's happened to me.”  
“How could he?” Tom asked, leaning in to steal a kiss. Bill smiled, and then laughed quietly, “He wanted to know what your job is and if you have a wife you're not telling me about.”  
Tom felt a sense of dread go through him at the mention of his job. Bill already knew about the second half, but the thought of telling Bill what he did for a living made him feel queasy. Bill wasn't dumb. In fact, he was rather smart, and Tom feared that he would figure everything out if he told him.  
“I mean, I know about your wife.” Bill said, “But... what do you do?”  
Tom felt panic slice through his chest and he tried to tamp it down, tried not to let it show on his face. He thought quickly, trying to devise the best way to tell Bill this without giving the entire truth away.   
“I, uh,” He shifted on the seat, “Work for the police department.” It was half the truth. He used to work for the police department – but that had been before...   
Bill raised his brows. “Nuh-uh.”  
“Uh-huh.” Tom replied, shoveling in another scoop of icecream.  
“I would've never in a million years thought you were a cop.” Bill said, but seemed delighted. “Oh my God, my Tomi is a hero!” He clapped his hands and hugged Tom's arm once more.  
“Not really.” Tom mumbled.   
“Do you have a uniform?” Bill asked, narrowing his eyes. “God, I would love to see that.”  
“I'm usually plainclothes.” Tom said, weakly. He could already feel the lie spinning out of control, and it pained him greatly to deceive Bill.  
“So are you LAPD?” Bill asked, curiously.  
“No, I'm on a sort of... vacation.” Tom supplied.  
“So what was a vacationing undercover cop doing in a gay club?” Bill asked.  
Tom shrugged and looked over at Bill, “I guess... it was meant to be.”   
Bill smiled softly. “I think I want to say something to you, Tom.” He whispered.   
“What?” Tom asked.  
“I think I want to say that I love you.” His brow furrowed.  
“You're not sure?” Tom asked.  
“I think I want to be.” Bill went on.   
“I think I know for sure.” Tom answered. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to Bill's lips. They were still cold from the icecream, but they were still soft and sweet. “I know I love you.” He murmured against Bill's mouth. Bill pulled back to look at Tom, his wide eyes blinking quickly.   
“Tomi...” Bill whispered, his eyes becoming glossy.   
“Wait... are you... are you gonna cry?” Tom asked, suddenly alarmed.  
“Yes.” Bill nodded, a tear sliding down his cheek. “No one has ever said that to me in a long time.” He pressed his head against Tom's shoulder and Tom slid his arm around him, and rubbed his back.   
“You don't have to cry.” He said, soothingly.  
“Its happy tears.” Bill sniffed.  
“Okay.” Tom murmured and pulled him closer.   
Meanwhile, their icecream melted in the sun.

~

Bill wasn't sure whether he should let himself believe what had just occurred. He felt as if he were in a daze as they left the icecream shop. Could it really be true? Did Tom really love him? He had said it, and, God, how Bill wanted to believe it.   
Tom asked him what he wanted to do next but Bill quietly said that he just wanted to go home. Tom acqueisced and turned the car towards the hotel.   
“We can unpack your clothes and then... I don't know, lay around, watch TV...” Tom said, but Bill could see the glint in his eyes. He snorted, “Lay around, my ass. I know what you want, Mr. Kaulitz.”  
Tom hid a smile and Bill reached over to grab his hand. The reassuring warmth of Tom's palm greeted him and he closed his eyes, trying to calm the palpitations of his heart. He felt as if he were walking a fine line, a tight rope, really. One wrong step and he was going to fall. But if he made it to the other side, he might be able to be happy...  
When they reached the hotel, Tom grabbed Bill's suitcase out of the trunk and they walked inside together. The clerk smiled and waved at them, and Tom returned the gesture.   
“They kind of know me.” Tom said.   
“How long have you been here?” Bill asked.  
“A while.” Tom replied with a shrug.  
“So... when do you have to go back?” Bill hated to ask the question. “And where are you gonna go back to?”  
Tom looked at the ground, frowning. “Berlin.” He said, at last.  
Bill stopped in his tracks. “Berlin... Germany?” He asked. Suddenly, his heart was pounding, a cold sweat breaking out on his forehead. He had run from that country years ago, never had any intention of going back...  
Tom turned to look at him. “Yes.” He said, and his eyes were fearful.  
Bill didn't know what to say. He wanted to stay with Tom, to be with him all the time, but the thought of returning to Germany, being so close to everything he had left behind, scared him.  
“What's wrong?” Tom asked at last.  
Bill shook his head slowly. He couldn't tell Tom what had happened back there. Surely, he would hate him just like everyone else. He couldn't tell him about his father or Marc. He couldn't tell him about Georg. He couldn't tell him what he had sacrificed to get here.   
“Nothing.” He whispered at last. “I... I guess I just didn't expect it to be so far.”  
“Look, I wouldn't ask you to go all the way across the Atlantic-” Tom began.  
Bill shook his head and lifted his fingers to Tom's lips. “No, I... I go where you go.” He said at last, with resolve. Tom stared at him, looking a bit unbelieving at first. “Okay.” He said at last, and grabbed Bill's hand again.   
They walked to the elevators and they rode up in silence. When they reached Tom's room, Bill began to unpack slowly. His head was spinning with the new information he had learned and he realized, belatedly, that if he hadn't been reckless with his desire, he could've known from the very beginning – before he allowed himself to fall in love.   
A police officer from Germany... The thought swam through his brain and fear sliced across his chest. He had encountered them before when he had first run. He had almost been caught in Hamburg, which had been his stopover before coming to LA.   
“I'm gonna go the bathroom and I'll be right back out to help you.” Tom said, and Bill barely heard him. His mind was racing along with his heart and everything he didn't want to be true, suddenly seemed too possible.   
He heard the bathroom door shut and he found himself shaking. He glanced back at the closed door before he attacked the desk. He had never thought to look at it before but now, he yanked open drawers with quavering hands. He froze when he pulled open the second drawer to find a picture staring back at him – his own picture. He lifted it from the drawer, his lips parting as his stared at his younger self. It was an old picture, taken back before he left home. He was sixteen, perhaps, in the photo, and the implication of that hit him with the force of a semi. The only place that Tom could have possibly gotten this picture was from his family, which meant he had known who Bill was long before entering the Rainbow that night.   
“No, no...” Bill whispered, hearing the tears thickening his voice. It couldn't be true, it just couldn't. With desperation in his chest, Bill began to search through the drawers again. Underneath where the picture had been was a file and Bill gave another desparing moan when he saw his name printed on the tab. He opened it, barely able to read the documents through a sheen of tears. He could tell, however, that there were several police reports, one from the night he had left home, another from the incident in Hamburg. He flipped through pages, finding handwritten notes. Bill lifted a hand to quivering lips to stifle a gasp when he found the photos he had posed for in Hamburg. First anguish over the fact that Tom knew about the debasing photographs, then anger that Tom had known about this all along washed over him in quick succession.   
“No!” The words bolted from his lips in a sharp scream, and he threw the file down on the desk. The contents spilled across the faux wood and Bill began to cry in great, heaving sobs.   
“Bill?” Tom's voice cut through his haze of emotion and he spun around.   
“You knew?” His voice quavered and he could feel his chest spasming with raging tears.   
Tom's face paled suddenly, and desperation filled his dark eyes, “Bill...” He began, but his words seemed to give out before he could even say anything.  
“You knew?” Bill repeated. “You knew about everything. Who are you?!” He stepped forward, shoving the picture in Tom's face. “Who are you?!” He screamed louder.  
“I'm...” Tom's face twisted in anguish. “I'm Tom Kaulitz.” He whispered. “And... I'm a private investigator.”  
Bill turned away, a strangled moan leaving his lips.  
“I was hired by Simone and Gordon to find you.” He sounded broken, so broken. “Six months ago.” He went on.   
“Six months.” Bill groaned. “Six fucking months.”  
“Bill, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.” Tom rushed over to, holding out his hands.  
“Don't touch me!” Bill jumped away from, slapping at his hands. “Don't fucking touch me.”  
“Bill!” Tom cried and Bill could see the tear streak from his eye and down his pale cheek.  
“You lied to me.” Bill said, pointing a finger at him. “You made me believe that you cared.”  
“I do!” Tom cried.  
“You made me think that for once in my life I had found someone who wanted me... just for me... Who didn't know about all the shit I've done.”  
“Bill, no, please...” Tom cried, stepping closer. “I do want. I wasn't lying when I said I love you. I do! Oh, Bill, please...” He dropped to his knees, his shoulders shaking. His lifted his hands, grasping at Bill's pantlegs. He pressed his forehead against Bill's thigh, sobbing quietly. “Please...” He moaned once more, “I'll do anything.. please...”  
Bill stared down at him, feeling numb but overly sensitive at the same time. He couldn't comprehend what had just happened. He couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that Tom was just like the rest. He didn't want to believe it.  
“How could you do this to me?” Bill whispered.  
Tom groaned louder, rocking against him in an onslaught of emotion.   
“How could you lie to me like this?” Bill went on. “I believed you. Every single lie.”   
“Bill, please, I've failed you, and I'm so, so sorry.” Tom said, looking up at him with red, swollen eyes and damp cheeks. “Please, believe me when I say that I love you. That's the one thing I've never lied to you about.”  
“Get off.” Bill whimpered, fresh tears welling in his eyes. He pulled away from Tom's grasp, leaving him crumpled on the floor. “Just... leave me alone.” He whispered. He walked towards the door in a haze.   
“Bill, please, come back.” Tom cried after him, then in softer moan, “Don't leave me...”  
The words cut Bill to heart and he paused at the door, tears squeezing from his eyes. A moment later, however, he yanked the door open and left. He called a cab and he went home to the Rainbow. But it wasn't home – not without Tom.


	11. Memories and Regrets

Tom awoke, slowly, and at first, he didn't remember what happened. Then it all came rushing back and he dropped his head back to the pillow with a moan. Tears rose up immediately to clog his throat and Tom pressed his face into the pillow. He could just suffocate himself right now and he wouldn't care.  
How could you do this to me? Bill's devestated voice rang through Tom's brain and he gave a cry, tearing away from the bed. He paced about the room like a caged animal, his fingers tangled in his hair. How could you? Tom thought. You're despicable, Kaulitz.  
He dropped to the edge of the bed, finding Bill's shirt there, the one he had worn each night he had slept here. Tom grabbed it with quavering fingers and lifted it to his nose. He breathed in, the scent of Bill filling his nostrils. He laid back on the bed, holding the shirt tightly to him as tears slipped out of the corners of his eyes.  
He had lost everything. Bill was everything and now he was gone. He had left and told Tom to leave him alone. He might as well call Simone and tell her everything he had learned and then go back to Berlin, to his plain, stoic office, to his lonely apartment, his lonely life. Bill never wanted to see him again and how could Tom blame him? He had completely deceived him.  
Tom sat up on the bed and went to the desk. Everything was strewn out from where Bill had tossed it and Tom slowly picked through the documents. It seemed so strange to look at them now after he knew Bill... after he loved him...  
He found the picture amongst the papers and stared at it as he had done for so many hours before. He drew his fingers down the line of his cheekbone and felt a fresh wave of tears assault him. He pushed them back as he tossed the picture away and searched through the rest of the material until he found the page with Simone's number on it. She had taken to calling him first, to ask about any updates. She had last called the afternoon before Tom had gone to the Rainbow. He had told her that he was onto a lead that looked very promising and that he would call her when it panned out. That had been almost four days ago. It was a wonder she hadn't called yet.  
Tom picked up his phone and punched in the number. He listened to the phone ring several times before Simone's soft voice answered, “Hallo?”  
“Hi, Simone, it's Tom.” He said.  
“Oh, Tom,” She said, “I was just thinking about calling you. A few days you said you were on to something.”  
“Yes.” Tom said, fighting to keep the emotion out of his voice.  
“And?” Simone prompted.  
“I found him.” Tom said, feeling like his chest was being crushed by a hammer.  
There was silence on the other for several moments before Simone whispered, “Oh my God, Tom..”  
“That lead I was talking about did pan out.” Tom forced himself to go on.  
“Oh my God.” Simone repeated. “Where is he?”  
“LA, like I thought all along.” Tom said.  
“And... have you talked to him?” Simone asked. “About us?”  
Tom frowned, his throat squeezing tightly. “I'm not sure he's ready to come home.” He told Simone.  
Silence buzzed on the phone again, and Simone whispered, “Oh.”  
“He's not a minor anymore, so I can't make him do anything.” Tom said. “All I can do is inform him that you want to see him, and inform you that he's alive.”  
“You can't do anything?” Simone whispered, and Tom could hear the tears in her voice.  
“I'm sorry.” Tom replied, his voice husky. “I'm powerless here.” He had told Simone this from the beginning, but she had been determined to see Bill again. She had been sure that he wanted to come home. From the look on Bill's face when Tom mentioned Germany, Tom was sure of the exact opposite. As much as Bill hated what his life had become in LA, he feared what had happened in Germany more.  
“Where is he?” Simone asked. “I mean, where is he exactly? Does he have a place to live? A job?”  
Tom cringed. “He lives with a friend.”  
“A friend.” Simone sighed, sounding relieved.  
“Yes, he's a good man. I've met him a few times.”  
“Where do they live?” Simone asked.  
Tom stalled again. He had lied to Bill and now he didn't really have the right to lie to Simone either. “Above a club, called the Rainbow.”  
Simone paused. “A club?”  
“Yes.” Tom said.  
“Tell me everything.” Simone said, at last. “I want to know.”

~

“Bill, come on. You have to get up.” Gustav's voice grated in Bill's ear. He curled himself into tighter ball beneath the sheets with a moan. His head was throbbing and his mouth was dry, tasting like shit. He could hardly remember stumbling home last night, swiping a bottle from the behind the counter. Gustav had followed him upstairs as he drank himself into oblivion, trying to get the full story out of him. Bill had spilled at last, crying and sobbing in between drinks of alcohol. Gustav hadn't condemned him although Bill could see the “I told you so” look in his eyes. But instead of speaking, he had held Bill in his arms, eventually pulling the bottle from his grasp and putting him to bed. Bill had dreamed of Tom, beautiful, bright dreams that he didn't want to leave in return for harsh, cold reality.  
“Its almost two.” Gustav told him. “You can't stay in bed all day.”  
“I could.” Bill mumbled. He didn't have anything to live for anymore. It had all been stripped away from him in a second.  
“Come on.” Gustav wheedled once more.  
“Leave me alone, Gus.” Bill said, yanking the sheets back over his head. “I don't want to be bothered.”  
“But, Bill-”  
“Go away!” Bill snapped, sitting up suddenly in the bed, fast enough to make his head spin. He clutched the edges of the bed, sure that he was going to regurgitate for a few terrifying moments. “Go away.” He repeated in a moan.  
“Bill..” Gustav sat down next to him.  
Bill shook his head. “There's nothing left, Gustav.” He sniffed, feeling tears in his eyes. “I can't do this anymore. I don't want to live like this.”  
“Bill, don't talk like this.” Gustav insisted.  
“Without him... I'm nothing...”  
“No.” Gustav contradicted.  
“Yes.” Bill said, harshly. “I'm nothing.”  
Gustav sighed. “Bill, you can't think like that. You know where that will lead you.”  
Bill glared at him through a sheen of tears. “I know. Depression. Suicidal thoughts. I know, Gustav. And I don't care. If I die, why does it matter?”  
“Bill!” Gustav exclaimed, before becoming angry. “This man has destroyed you. Why do you not see that? You can live without him because he was never any good for you.”  
“Get out!” Bill shouted suddenly, jumping up from the bed. “Don't talk to me. Don't look at me.”  
“Bill, please...”  
“No, get out. I don't want to talk to anyone.” He turned his back and he heard Gustav's footsteps retreat. When he was gone, he laid back down, exhausted from tears and the outburst. He clung to the pillow and whimpered Tom's name, wishing with all his heart that last night had never happened.


	12. Tears of Pain and Tears of Love

Tom closed his contract with the Trumpers, freeing himself to go back to Berlin and get onto a new case. God knew he was beginning to need the money, however, he could not make himself return to a place that seemed so lifeless and dismal now.  
He stayed at the hotel, growing more restless and unhappy with each passing day. It had been nearly two since Bill had walked out. Two days since he had proclaimed his love. Two days since their first attempts at intimacy. Two horrible days, and Tom knew had to get Bill back. At first, he had been resigned to the fact that Bill was gone, but now, he knew that he would never be able to live without him again. Bill meant far too much to him and Tom could not let him go. Even when he slept, he thought of Bill, and his terrible deceit haunted him. He had to make this right.  
It was no doubt that Bill had run back to the Rainbow. He had no where else to go. Tom determined to go and find him. He wasn't sure what he would find, but he had to try.  
That night, Tom dressed and drove over to the Rainbow. He found his hands trembling on the wheel and he tried to steady himself.  
When he pulled up, the parking lot was nearly full. It was a Saturday night and the club was in full swing. Tom exited the car and walked to the door, keeping a wary eye out for muggers that seemed to haunt every dark parking lot on this side of town. He made it to the door safely and slipped inside. A steady beat throbbed in his chest and the lights of the disco balls swayed over the floor. Dozens of hot, sweaty men danced and ground against each other on the floor and Tom made his way past them, searching for the dark head that rose slightly above the rest. His heart stuttered with fear as he searched for several minutes without success.  
“Hey!” Suddenly there was a shout and Tom spun around to see Gustav marching out from the behind the counter, his eyes dark. “What are you doing here?” He demanded. “I told you once to get out of my club.”  
Tom had no patience for the stocky club owner and turned narrowed eyes upon. “I'm here for Bill.” He stated, possessively.  
“He doesn't want to see you.” Gustav said, crossing his thick arms over his chest.  
“I don't think that Bill needs anyone to speak for him.” Tom said, leaning in close and towering over the shorter man. Gustav stood his ground, lifting his chin slightly.  
“Either way, you're not getting near him.”  
A flash of silver and a shock of dark hair caught Tom's eyes and he looked up to see Bill across the room. His heart sank immediately when he saw that he was holding hands with another man. He was leading him towards the stairwell that Tom knew led to Bill's loft.  
“You see what I mean.” Gustav said, his voice low.  
“Get the fuck out of my way.” Tom hissed, shouldering past the bodyguard-like Gustav.  
“You can't go up there.” Gustav ran ahead of him, blocking his way up the stairs.  
“I swear to God, asshole,” Tom growled, “I will take you out in five seconds if you don't get out of my way.”  
Gustav stood firmly in the doorway, his expression unwavering.  
A sudden cry from up the stairs drew both of their attentions and Tom lurched forward. “You're not going up there!” Gustav insisted, trying block Tom off once more while making his own way up the stairs.  
“Goddamnit, that's it!” Tom swore, grabbing Gustav by the front of the shirt and swinging a well-aimed fist. His knuckles cracked against the bridge of Gustav's nose, smashing his plastic-framed glasses in half. The club owner fell back with cry, blood already spurting from his wounded nose. Tom raced past his prone figure, pounding up the steps until he slammed through the door of Bill's loft. He was horrified when he found Bill struggling with the man. He was down on the bed and the man was on top of him, one hand around his throat, the other trying to get Bill's pants off.  
“Hey!” Tom shouted. “Get off of him!”  
Two sets of eyes swung his way and Tom barreled towards the man, tackling him off of Bill. They flew over the bed and landed with a thump on the other side. The man struggled, finding himself beneath Tom's considerable weight.  
“Get out of here, you sick bastard.” Tom said, dragging them off the ground and shoving the man towards the door. “And don't come back!”  
The man raced away, obviously not ready to confront a stronger, angrier opponent. Tom turned around and found Bill staring at him.  
“Bill...” He whispered, unsure of what to say now.  
Bill opened his mouth, but didn't say anything either.  
Suddenly, the door slammed open again and Gustav rushed in. “I told you to get out!” He demanded, wiping at his bleeding nose with one hand.  
“Gustav!” Bill cried in alarm.  
“Bill, I was just trying to protect you!” Tom protested. Bill went over to Gustav and examined his nose before Gustav pushed him behind him, and glared at Tom, “Get out of my club, Kaulitz. I'll only ask nicely one more time.”  
“Bill...” Tom said, turning his eyes to the wide-eyed younger man. He pleaded with him with his eyes to say something, do something, but Bill just looked away, biting his lip nervously.  
“I've apologized over and over.” Tom said, speaking directly to Bill and ignoring Gustav completely. “And I'll tell you this one more time – I love you... more than you could ever know.” Bill's glossy eyes turned sharply to Tom's for a moment and he appeared as if he were about to say something but Tom turned away. “You know where you can find me.” He said before he stalked out, slamming the door behind him.

~

“Can I get you something tonight, Mr. Kaulitz?” Tiffany's voice was soft and caring, but Tom could hardly lift his eyes from the picture of Bill in front of him.  
“No, Tiffany,” He said, his voice rough. He had been sitting at the booth in Caribou for over an hour, fighting tears of pain, tears of love.  
“Maybe some ice for your hand.” Tiffany said.  
Tom glanced over at his knuckles, finding them bruised. One of them had cracked open upon impact with Gustav's glasses.  
“Sure.” He said, looking up at the helpful waitress. “Yeah, that would be great.”  
“Okay.” She said, and hurried off.  
Tom looked back down at the picture and bit his lip. He had tried his hardest and Bill had said nothing. All he had gained was a busted hand, and another crack in his broken heart.  
Tiffany returned a moment later and Tom laid the bag of ice on his hand, wincing slightly.  
“Are you sure you're okay?” Tiffany asked, once more. She had questioned him several times already but Tom gave the same answer as before, “Yeah.”  
She let him be and Tom continued to stare at the picture, sullenly. He might as well go back to Berlin now. There was nothing left to do. He had completely and utterly broken Bill's trust, and he wasn't getting it back. It was all he deserved for the way he had misled Bill.  
Tom was about ready to desert his spot at the Caribou, realizing that Bill wasn't coming, when he heard soft footsteps. He looked up, thinking that it was Tiffany. Instead, he found Bill looking down at him, his face a gamet of emotions.  
“Bill...” Tom whispered, hardly believing the sight before his eyes.  
Bill nodded and sat down at the table. He looked down, sucking his lower lip into his mouth for a second before he laid his hands on the table. Tom looked down and felt as if all the air had been sucked out of his lungs when he saw the lube in Bill's hand. Bill reached out and grabbed Tom's hand, pressing the little bottle into his palm. He looked up at Tom with watery eyes and whispered, “Take me home, Tomi. Please... take me home...”

~

Tom didn't say anything, didn't dare to question whatever had made Bill change his mind. All he knew was that he had been given a miraculous second chance, and that he could not fuck it up again. Somehow, Bill had chosen to forgive him, or look past the fact that Tom had deceived him for most of their relationship.  
Tom found himself almost too weak and shaking to rise from his chair, and grab Bill's hand. In a daze, Tom led them from the coffee shop. Bill's hand was warm against his own cold palm and he clung tight, almost as he were afraid to let go. In the other hand, Tom held the bottle of lube. It was a challenge as much as it was a request, and Tom knew that he had finally reached the point where he was ready to consumate their relationship. He realized suddenly that he had been ready the moment that he had said “I love you” to Bill.  
Tom opened the car door for Bill as always but Bill hesitated. He turned, facing Tom with large, dark eyes. “I don't think I've said it yet.” He said at last, a frown crossing his flawless brow.  
“What?” Tom asked, his voice feeling strangled.  
“I love you.” Bill responded, and he seemed almost shocked and confused by the words.  
Tom couldn't say anything for second, and all he could hear was the racing of his heart. He reached up a hand, and trailed his fingers over Bill's cheekbone. Bill's eyes closed and he sighed softly, pressing closer to the touch.  
“It wasn't worth it.” He said at last, his eyes opening, shimmering and wet. “I couldn't live without you.” He shook his head, a dark lock falling over his forehead. “It was just... pointless.”  
Tom felt his own tears rise up and he drew Bill forwards into his arms. He crushed him to his chest, one hand at the back of his head, the other wrapped around his thin frame. Bill shuddered against him and Tom pressed his eyes shut, fighting the stinging wave of tears.  
“I'm sorry.” He whispered once more. He felt even more overcome than the last time he had said those words, knowing that this time, Bill would accept the apology.  
“You found me.” Bill whispered, his voice muffled in Tom's shoulder. He drew back and looked into Tom's eyes. “You found me better than any police department ever could. And I could never hate you for that.”  
There were so many things that Tom wanted to say, but he couldn't say any of them. He just pulled Bill closer and kissed his sweet mouth, a better expression of what was in his heart than words could ever tell.  
They stood in the parking lot for a long moment, their mouth locked together in the most wonderful kiss that Tom had ever experienced. He was tasting the lips he had never thought he would ever touch again.  
At last, he pulled back and repeated Bill's words. “Let's go home.”  
Bill nodded and slid into the car. Tom hurried around the front and got behind the wheel. He immediately reached over to grab Bill's hand as they pulled away from the Caribou.  
Bill absently turned on the radio and they both smiled softly as the light, airy notes of “Don't Worry, Baby” drifted to their ears. This time, Bill didn't sing. He just sat back and listened and Tom couldn't demand anything more of him.  
When they reached the hotel, Tom killed the engine and they sat in the stillness for a few moments, Bill's hand gripping his hard.  
“Are you afraid, Tom?” He whispered at last.  
“Afraid?”  
“Yes.” Bill replied. “Afraid of what's going to happen to us.”  
Tom frowned. “I've got you back once. And I won't ever let you go again. I promise.”  
Bill smiled softly. “I want you, Tomi.”  
The raw words hit Tom fiercely and his breathing stuttered. “Let's go inside.” He replied, his voice husky.  
“Wait.” Bill's hand clamped down up on his again.  
“What?”  
“I want you to come in me.” Bill said quietly and Tom stared at him.  
“Is... are you...?”  
“Clean?” Bill asked with a mirthless chuckle, before he looked up at Tom seriously, “I got tested.” He said forwardly. “I made an appointment that night we, uh.. fooled around, and I still went even thought we...” He sentence drifted off. “When I got it back... I thought, if God answers prayers, this is it. If He ever gives signs, this is mine.”  
Tom stared at him, taken aback and a little blown away by Bill's proclamation.  
Bill chewed at his lower lip before asking, “So... will you?”  
Tom didn't answer for a moment before he nodded. A shy smile crept over Bill's lips and he unlatched his fingers from Tom to push the car door open. Tom followed, feeling suddenly overwhelmed by his love for this man.  
When they got inside, Tom hardly acknowledged the clerk when she waved. He could only concentrate on Bill next to him, because at this point, it was all that mattered.


	13. Making Love and Midnight Discussions

They reached the hotel room and Tom went in ahead. Bill shut the door behind them, and leaned against it, his eyes dark with shimmering desire in the half light of the room. Tom turned and Bill could see his own desire so clearly displayed on his face. After all this time, all the waiting and wanting, Bill was suddenly sure that this was going to be the best night of his life. Tom had made all of continued rejections worth it and Bill thought he might suddenly understand Tom's philosophy on sex.  
Tom pressed up against him, his hands braced on either side of Bill's head. Their heavy breaths crashed between them, loud in the otherwise silence of the room. Tom gave a soft groan as he pressed his lips down against Bill. He let them compliantly open, let Tom's tongue inside. The hot, firm tip of Tom's tongue stroked over Bill's palate, and swirled around his tongue stud, leaving Bill breathless. Arousal rushed through his veins, hot blood pulsing downwards. He didn't think that he had ever wanted someone as badly as he had wanted Tom in his entire life. He wanted to kiss, to touch, to be connected on every level.  
Tom slid his hands down to Bill's shoulders, dragging his palms over Bill's chest. Bill moaned when Tom found his nipples, hard and erect beneath the thin shirt. He began rubbing his thumbs over the distended points and Bill whimpered and shuddered beneath him. He moved his hands down, sliding them beneath Bill shirt and then dragging it back up. Their lips parted as Tom divested Bill of his shirt, leaving his thin chest bare and pale in the moonlight that lit the room.  
“Come here.” He whispered, drawing Bill away from the wall. Bill quivered deep inside that low command and he followed on weak legs. He laid back on the bed, stretching his arms over his head in a submissive position. I want you. Take me... have me... all of me... The thoughts pounded through his brain as Tom crawled onto the bed after him. His hands went straight to the button of Bill's pants without hesitation and Bill drew in a deep breath, making his stomach hollow sharply between his ribs. He drew the zipper down, slowly, finding Bill's cock hard and jutting beneath. He dragged the jeans down his legs and Bill lifted his hips up, urging Tom to remove the rest of his clothes. Tom slid his hand back up Bill's smooth, pale thigh, his palm brushing over Bill's burgeoning crotch. Bill's eyes slid closed as his hand rested there for a few torturous seconds before he hooked his fingers until the waistband of the boyshorts and pulled them down slowly. Tom stripped him off the rest of his clothing and Bill thought that he had never found the act of undressing to sexually possesive before. It was as if Tom were taking the last of his barriers away, leaving him literally and figuratively naked to his eye. Bill quivered beneath Tom's hot, burning gaze.  
“Tom...”He whispered.  
Tom sat back and stripped his own shirt off. Bill eyes ate up naked flesh, the hardened muscles that flexed beneath smooth, tanned flesh. Bill drew his eyes down from Tom's taut nipples to the V between his hips that led down to manhood. Bill wanted to say more, to beg Tom to remove all that stood between them, but it was as if Tom could read the plea in his eyes. He opened his jeans and yanked his pants and boxers down at the same time. He kicked them over the edge of the bed and Bill moaned once more as his eyes found Tom's hard, aroused cock. He wanted to reach out his hand and take him to his mouth again, but he didn't. He wanted Tom to control this encounter, just as he had controlled everything else they had done in this bed. He knew better than Bill what pace they should take.  
Tom leaned over him and his eyes were deep, full of love and adoration that made Bill's chest explode with indescribable feelings. “I love you.” He murmured, leaning down to press his lips against Bill's for a few sweet seconds before he moved downwards, his lips skimming over Bill's neck and down to his left nipple.  
“Ooh...” Bill whispered as Tom lips closed around the sensitive, little peak. His lip ring chafed at Bill's flesh and his tongue stroked so wonderfully. The sensations went straight down to Bill's cock and he lifted his hands to lace his fingers in Tom's dark hair. He pulled the hairband away, letting down Tom's long locks. They spread out around his shoulders and Bill sank his fingers into the soft strands, his fingernails scraping over Tom's scalp. Tom moaned against his flesh, the sound vibrating down Bill's chest.  
He drew back to look into Bill's face with dark eyes, one hand still stroking down his side. Bill locked onto Tom's gaze, angling his hips towards Tom's wandering hand. Instead of going towards his cock, Tom's hand slid beneath him, cupping his buttock and pulling him closer. Bill went willingly, compliant to each of Tom's touches. Tom moved his grip down to Bill's thigh, pushing his leg up to leave him exposed. Bill shuddered inside deeply as Tom's eyes left his to travel downwards. His fingertips grazed back down Bill's thigh and Bill drew in a sharp breath as they slid over his hole. Arousal gripped him and he bit down on his lower lip. Yes, this was what he wanted. This was what he had ached and longed for.  
“Yes, Tomi...” Bill whispered, breathlessly. “I want you to touch me...”  
Bill heard the cap of the lube opening and his heart stuttered before taking off at a thundering pace. He had never wanted someone like he wanted Tom before. He had never dreamed it was possible.  
Tom shifted closer, one hand gripping Bill's uplifted leg. His fingers were tight and Bill could sense his tension. It was hard to remember that Tom had never done this before when he put such intense feelings inside him.  
“Touch me...” He whispered once more, a gentle plea.  
“Want to...” Tom's voice was low and gravelly in the darkness and in the next second, Bill felt his warm, wet fingertips make contact. He grasped at the sheets and held himself down as Tom's fingers rubbed over him, gently, almost too gently. His muscles contracted sharply and he tossed his head against the pillow, aching inside.  
“Tom...” He moaned.  
The rest of Tom's fingers moved away until only his middle finger was massaging at the quivering entrance. Bill gasped as he suddenly pushed it in.  
“Yes!” He cried out, “Yes, like that, Tomi..”  
Tom's finger pressed in again and Bill squirmed against him. He wanted more, so much more.  
“More, Tomi, please...” He gasped, turning his face down towards him. Tom's head was bent but Bill could see the frown of concentration on his brow. He reached out a hand, his fingers brushing Tom's cheek. “Its ok...” He whispered in reassurance.  
Tom's fingers pulled out and returned a moment later, paired with his index.  
“Ooh...” Bill moaned, his foot lifting to press against Tom's shoulder. Tom's fingers shifted in deeper and Bill's breathing quickened. “Yes, yes...” He whispered, rotating his hips against Tom's fingers. They were almost there, almost...  
Tom turned his fingers and they began to stroke slowly. Bill gasped, his body rising up off the bed as a wave of pleasure seized him, “Oh, yes, Tomi, yes!” He cried, his fingers tearing at the sheets, his head bent back.  
“Is that good?” Tom murmured. His voice sounded rough and breathless as he looked up in astonishment at Bill's scrunched up features.  
“Yes, God, yes!” Bill returned, “Do it again, Tomi.”  
Tom's fingers moved again and they seemed so adept and smooth as if he had, had a thousand years to practice. Bill's eyes rolled back in head and he arched back into the bed again. His head was spinning with pleasure, the lust overwhelming. He could hardly think and when he did, one word pounded through his brain, Tomi, Tomi, Tomi...  
Tom didn't question him again. His fingers just continued stroking, finding Bill's prostate over and over, bringing with him an incomprehensible pleasure. Bill could hardly believe that only a few days ago he hadn't been able to come. Now, with his change of companionship, the climax was already barreling towards him.  
“Tomi, Tomi...” He gasped. “S-stop...”  
Tom's hand stilled and he looked up at Bill quickly, “Did I do something wrong?”  
“No.” Bill shook his head, breathing quickly. “I... I was gonna come if you didn't stop.”  
“Oh.” Tom said, and Bill could see the proud little smile pulling at his lips.  
“I want you.” Bill said, holding out his hand to Tom. Tom smiled wider and leaned over him, his lips coming down to press against Bill's. With his body stretched against him, Bill could feel the heat and sweat radiating from Tom's chest, and lower down, his cock chafing against his own. He moaned and rotated his hips up, rubbing the twin columns together to create a delicious friction. Tom slid one hand down to cup Bill's buttock and pulled him closer.  
“I want you in me.” Bill whispered in between kisses. “Want you so bad, Tomi.”  
Tom's mouth slid down wetly over Bill's jaw and nipped at his earlobe. His hot breath washed down over Bill's neck and he kissed along Bill's protruding collarbone. “I love you.” He murmured. “I love you so much.”  
Bill quivered in his arms, shaken to the core by Tom's repeated words. With Tom, it wasn't “I want you” - it was “I love you” and it seemed to encompass their intimacy and so much more.  
“I love you.” Bill responded. The words felt so foreign on his tongue, but they seemed right, more than right. “I love you, Tomi.” He repeated, feeling empowered by the words.  
Tom lifted his head and Bill could see his eyes in the dim light, dark with desire. “And I'm gonna make love to you, because I love you.”  
Bill only nodded this time, unable to say anything to that. Making love. It seemed so much better than fucking.  
Tom sat back and grabbed the lube again. Bill watched with attentive and wanting eyes as Tom rubbed it over his cock and applied a little more to Bill before he leaned over Bill again. Bill lifted his legs once more as Tom pressed up against him. Bill felt his heart flutter as Tom's head pressed against his entrance before he pushed forward. He gave a groan, his eyelids fluttering.  
“No, no, look at me.” Tom's soft voice urged. His elbow was braced against the mattress, his hand at Bill's head, stroking his hair slowly. Bill forced his eyes open, locked onto Tom's gaze.  
Tom shifted forward, pressing his cock all the way into Bill's open, willing body. Bill gave a soft gasp, his hands reaching up to hold onto Tom. He filled him up inside completely, fitting there as if it had been made for him.  
“You feel so good.” Bill whispered, his eyes shining with adoration. “Make love to me, Tomi.”  
Tom braced his other elbow on the bed and began to move, slowly at first, staring into Bill's eyes all the while.  
“Yes...” Bill whispered, wrapping his legs around Tom's waist and undulating his hips agianst him. His cock rubbed against Tom's solid stomach and Bill ground against the hardness of it, finding pleasure in even the smallest of contacts.  
Tom began to speed up and Bill could hear their bodies coming together. “Yes, Tomi, oh...”He groaned, trying to vocalize how wonderful Tom was making him feel. “Yes, harder... want you so hard...”  
Tom, seeming urged on by Bill's rambling desires, shifted into an even faster rhythm. The bedsprings began to squeak but all Bill could hear was the thundering of his own heart. He had never felt so exhilarated before, so complete with another person.  
Bill laced his fingers in Tom's long, soft locks, pulling him down to kiss him. Their mouths mashed together, their tongue sloppily swiping at each other. Tom pressed his forehead against Bill's as he slammed his hips against Bill's. Bill cried out and arched from the bed, his fingers squeezing Tom's hair in a death grip.  
“Yes, Tomi, yes! Right there!” He moaned, his feet sliding higher up Tom's back.  
Tom went at him again, with deliberate strokes, over and over again. Bill writhed in pleasure, his body clamping down upon Tom's cock with each wave. “Oh, Tomi...” He moaned, before wailing louder. A groan tore from Tom's throat and the sound made Bill shiver even harder.  
“Tomi, Tomi... gonna come so fast...” He gasped, staring up at Tom's twisted, perspiring face. “Gonna come fast for you..”  
Tom growled louder, passion and desire flaring violently in his eyes. He dragged Bill up off the mattress and slammed him up against the tall, wooden headboard. He grabbed him under the ass and shoved hard into him. Bill cried out as the headboard smashed into the wall, carrying the weight of both he and Tom.  
“Yes!” Bill's cry rose into a shout and he pressed his heels into the mattress, bearing himself down upon Tom's thrusts. He slammed into him hard, nailing his prostate with each and every thrust. “Jesus, fuck!” Bill screamed, his nails clawing at Tom's shoulders, surely leaving scratch marks.  
Tom's mouth latched onto his neck, sucking sharply before trailing down and marking his nipples as well. Bill scream sharpened as Tom's sucked each one hard enough to leave them swollen and red. Before he could comprehend that it was happening, his body was seizing, his body beginning to thrash uncontrollably. He cried out, not caring who heard. His head snapped back and cracked against the wall but he couldn't feel it. All he could feel was an overwhelming pleasure, a climax so intense that it stole every bit of strength and sense he had inside him. He was moaned unintelligably, saying Tom's name, groaning that he loved him.  
Tom thrust into him one last time and he fell against Bill's chest, holding him so tightly in his arms that Bill's felt the air squeeze from his lungs. He came inside Bill, filling him up enough for it to overflow and leak back out. “Bill...” He whispered in breathless moan, “Bill, oh, Bill...” He sank down, taking both of them to the mattress. He collapsed against Bill chest and Bill wrapped his arms around him.  
“Gonna love you forever.” Tom whispered, his breath rushing against Bill's chest.  
Bill squeezed him tighter, feeling tears in his eyes. “Forever?” He whispered, his voice rough.  
“Mmm.” Tom responded. “I promise.”  
Bill quavered, feeling a tear streak down his cheek. No one had ever promised him that. Maybe they had said that for one night, but not even for a day, or a month or year – definitely not forever.  
“I'll love you as long as I live.” Bill returned, stroking Tom's hair back from his sweaty forehead. “I cross my heart and hope to die.”  
Tom lifted a hand and drew an X over Bill's chest with his finger. “I'll cross it for you.”  
Bill reached down and caught Tom's finger in his grasp. He lifted it to his lips and kissed the tip, unable to say anymore. He couldn't care any longer that Tom had lied or deceived him. It didn't matter because in the end Tom cared more about Bill than he did about his running away. He had cared more than anyone else in the whole world.  
“It was better than ever imagined.” Tom admitted quietly at last.  
“I don't think I could imagine that.” Bill replied and then chuckled, “You're an animal in bed, Tomi. Why didn't you tell me?”  
Tom drew back, blushing. “Me? No... I just...” He reached up and hand to trace Bill's cheekbone. “I love you, that's all.”  
Bill shook his head. “No, I think you're an animal.” Pulling him back closer, Bill added, “My animal, now.”  
“Only yours.” Tom nodded and kissed him. He opened his eyes with their lips barely parted. He gave a sigh, “There's so many things I want to do.”  
Bill lifted a brow, “Tell me, and I will be your genie.”  
“I think I want to have you.... everyway possible.” Tom said, his eyes narrowing. “I think I want to make love to you until we are both so exhausted that we can't move. I think... I never want to leave you.”  
Bill smiled. “Let's do it. All of it.”  
Tom leaned in and kissed him. “I plan to.”

~

Tom was still tired when a bright light in the darkness of the room pulled him out of sleep. He moaned quietly, blinking slowly. He squinted and lifted his head, finding the source of the light to be his laptop's screen. He frowned when he noticed Bill's figure sitting at the desk.  
What is he doing? Tom wondered. They hadn't gotten to sleep until late into the night when Tom had fulfilled his desire to exhaust them both. They had done it three times, or perhaps four. Tom couldn't remember exactly, but he knew that it had been the most wonderful night of his life. He had gone to sleep, wishing that he could stay connected to Bill forever.  
Tom sat up slowly in the bed, rubbing at his eyes. He could feel exhaustion in his bones, an ache in several muscles that he wasn't used to exercising.  
“What are you doing?” He croaked, standing from the bed.  
Bill swiveled around quickly and Tom could see that his eyes were wide in the darkness of the room.  
“Tom.” He said, swallowing. “I didn't know you were awake.”  
Tom crossed the room and Bill stood from the chair, putting himself between Tom and the desk.  
“What are you doing?” Tom repeated, puzzled over Bill's suspicious behavior.  
“Nothing, I was just...” His voice trailed away as Tom moved him out of the way to see the laptop. His frowned deepened even further when he found his file on Bill spread out on the desk and his typed notes on the screen.  
“Why are you looking at this?” He asked, looking back at Bill's guilty face. “And how did you get past my password?”  
Bill shrugged. “I guessed. And I was right.”  
“And the first question?” Tom asked, keeping his tone even. He wasn't really mad at Bill for getting into his things. He was more worried about why Bill wanted to see.  
“I just wanted to know... what you knew.” Bill muttered, his arms crossing tightly over his thin chest.  
“Hey,” Tom said, softly, lifting his hand to Bill's face and drawing the dark eyes to his face. “What's going on here?”  
Bill tried to look away but Tom wouldn't let him. If they were going to be in a relationship, Bill was going to have to learn to communicate, whether he wanted to or not.  
“I've done things, Tom, okay?” He said at last, appearing half angry, half distraught. “Bad things.”  
“Bill.” Tom began.  
“And I wanted to know if you knew. That's all.” He clenched his jaw and looked away.  
“Okay.” Tom said, reaching around Bill to close down the laptop and put away the file. “We're gonna go back to bed and talk about this.”  
“I don't want to.” Bill resisted.  
“Look.” Tom said, drawing Bill close with a firm hand. “I love you. I love all parts of you. The good and the bad. And someday you have to realize that most of what's happened to you isn't your fault. You have to find some self-worth.”  
Bill's nostrils flared and Tom could see the tears welling in his eyes.  
“Come here.” He said, softly, drawing him into his arms. Bill went willingly this time, his fingers digging into Tom's shoulders as he pressed up against his chest. Tom led them back to the bed and Bill curled up against him. Tom rubbed his back and kissed his forehead, murmuring, “I'm sorry for what's happened and I wish I could change it. But there's some things in life we can't change and we just have to grow stronger for it.”  
“Stronger?” Bill whispered. “I don't understand how I could escape everything....”  
“I didn't say escape.”  
“But I remember every day.” Bill went on, his voice thick with tears. “Every single day, I wake up and remember what's happened to me, what I've done, everything I've sacrificed for the sake of being a coward.”  
“Bill,” Tom admonished.  
“It's true.” Bill pulled away and sat up on the bed. “I hurt my mother more than I ever meant to just because I couldn't handle her looking at me with 'Poor Bill' eyes every day. I hurt... I hurt Georg. I loved him at one time and now...” He shrugged a slim shoulder. “I don't even know who he is.”  
“Bill, you were seventeen.” Tom said, sitting up after him. “You endured far more than a child should. As for Georg.... he understands. If you read the notes, you know I spoke with him. He did a lot to help me find you.”  
“I can't go back though.” Bill shook his head. “How could I?”  
“If you really want to see your mother again, then you have to find the courage somehow.” Tom said, taking his hands.  
“But I don't want to see my father ever again.” Bill said, his eyes hardening. Tom could almost feel his flesh go cold in his grasp before Bill pulled away and jumped off the bed once more. He paced away and went to the window, his body outlined in the pewter light of the moon.  
Tom felt a pain like never before in response to Bill's father. The man had done more to hurt Bill than anyone else in his life and Tom wondered again how a person could harm their own flesh and blood in such a way.  
“If I start a case against him, he could go away for a long time.” Tom said at last.  
Bill turned, his eyes wide and fearful. “No.” He shook his head. “What he did to me is over and I can't bear to face him again.”  
“But he deserves to pay for what he did.” Tom protested, sliding from the bed. “You're the only one that has the power to give him his just consequences.”  
Bill shook his head once more, biting at his lower lip. “I can't.” He whispered, turning away once more. “I can't do any of it. I can't go back to Magdeburg. I can't see my father, my mother, or Georg again.”  
“Bill,” Tom said, softly, reaching out for him. “Do you want to live the rest of your life like this?”  
“Yes.” Bill said, and Tom could see a flash of anger in his eyes for the first time in the discussion. “Yes, I want to stay with you forever. You promised me, Tomi.”  
“I did.” Tom said, stepping close to him and cupping both of Bill's cheeks in his palms. “And I'm never going to break that promise. But I want to see you defeat all of this.” He rubbed a tear away from Bill's eye with his thumb and leaned in to kiss his lips softly. “But I won't force you.”  
“For tonight, can we just be together?” Bill whispered. “I don't want to think about this anymore.”  
Tom nodded. “Of course.... But first, I want to give you something.”  
“What?” Bill asked.  
Tom slid out of Bill's grasp and went to the desk again. He opened the bottom drawer and found the necklace he had bought at the tourist shop days ago. It seemed like it had been weeks, or months, instead of a few short days. It was still in the bag and Tom brought it to the bed, unwrapping it.  
“I found it a few days ago.” Tom said, tossing the bag aside and holding it up for Bill to see. “And I was waiting for the right time to give it to you.”  
“Oh, Tom,” Bill whispered, his eyes shining. “Its beautiful.”  
“Here,” Tom said, unlatching the clasp and climbing onto the bed to put it on Bill. Bill lifted his hair off his neck as Tom slid the chain around his neck and latched it once more. Bill smiled down at the pendants, stroking them with his fingertips. “You like it?” Tom asked, kissing Bill's shoulder.  
“Yes, I love it.” He turned to face Tom on the bed, smiling, “Thank you so much.”  
“You're very welcome.” Tom said, pressing another kiss to Bill's lips. Bill leaned into him, his lips parting as he searched for a deeper kiss. Tom pulled him in closer and tilted him back on the bed, stretching their bodies out together on the mattress.  
“Make love to me, Tomi,” Bill whispered, his voice breathless as Tom's lips parted from his. “I want to feel you again.”  
The words made Tom shudder deep inside and desire coursed through his veins. He reached over to the side table where they had left the quickly diminishing bottle of lube. He got his fingers wet and slid them between Bill's legs, immediately finding his tight hole. Bill moaned, reacting immediately as Tom rubbed the taut flesh before pressing two fingers inside.  
“Oh, Tom...” Bill whispered, his body clenching around the two. Tom pressed them in deeper and Bill arched and writhed. Tom began to pump his fingers in and out and Bill's hips jerked up against him, beginning to circle.  
“Turn over.” Tom ordered, his voice rough with desire.  
Bill's eyes flashed with want and he rolled over slowly. Tom kept his fingers in him, but stilled as Bill's rounded buttocks came into view. Tom used his other hand to squeeze one as he leaned down to kiss at the top of his cleft. He began to move his fingers again and Bill whimpered softly, lifting his hips. Tom kissed down farther until he could feel his fingers moving into him.  
“Tomi...” Bill whispered, questioningly, as Tom slid his fingers out.  
“Stay right here.” He told Bill, lifting his other hand to Bill's opposite buttock. He squeezed them in his hands and spread him apart, leaving the puckered bud of flesh open. He bent down, brushing his lips over Bill's buttock before moving down into his cleft. He kissed slowly, feeling Bill practically quiver beneath him.  
“Tom...” He whispered, his voice frail. “Are you going to...”  
“Mmm.” Tom replied, imparting another kiss to the wet, quivering flesh before his slid his tongue out. He licked slowly, drawing his tongue from Bill's perinium all the way up to his tailbone.  
“Oh, Tomi...” Bill whispered, sounding dazed with pleasure.  
Tom drew his tongue back down, teasing at Bill's entrance now. Bill squirmed a little and Tom firmed his tongue, pressing it in. Bill gasped, and his body spasmed. Tom plunged his tongue in all the way and sealed his lips around his entrance with a suck.  
“Jesus Christ...” Bill whispered.  
Tom began to stroke his tongue inside him, quickly finding the spot that sent Bill writhing. He lurched against Tom, but Tom held him down with a firm hand, delivering several more torturous flicks of his tongue.  
“Oh, yes, Tomi...” Bill groaned, bending down upon the bed until his forehead was pressed into the mattress, his knees braced. “Oh, its so good...”  
Tom sucked harder at Bill's taut hole, letting his teeth scrape at the sensitive flesh. Bill whined and quivered and then grabbed at his own cock. He groaned, thrusting back into Tom's mouth and forward into his hand.  
Tom drew back and grabbed Bill's arm. He slammed him down on the bed, pinning his arms above him. “Don't touch yourself.” He whispered in Bill's ear. “I'm going to make you come.”  
Bill quivered in his grasp. “Yes, Tomi...” He whispered, sounding terribly aroused.  
Tom slid his hand back between Bill's legs, fingering his entrance again. “I'm gonna torture this sweet little hole until you cry.” He whispered hotly in Bill's ear, his breath gusting over his cheek.  
“Oooh...” Bill groaned, his hips grinding back against Tom's teasing fingers.  
“Then I'm gonna take my cock and I'm gonna fuck you so good, you're gonna come all over this mattress.”  
“Oh, Tomi...” Bill groaned, his hips rotating even more urgently against Tom's fingers. Tom let him, pressing his fingers in over and over again, until Bill was humping so hard that the bed springs were squeaking. “Tomi, please...” He whined, pressing his face into the pillow as Tom rubbed at Bill's prostate each time.  
“Just keep moving those pretty hips.” Tom intoned in his ear.  
“Ahhh!” Bill cried out, throwing his head back as he ground back into Tom's hand even harder. “Please, I want to come...” He cried.  
Tom let his fingers slide away once more and Bill dropped to the mattress with a moan. “Oh...” He whispered, “What else are you gonna do to me, Tomi?”  
Tom pressed kisses against Bill's shoulder, feeling as if his heart were pounding far too hard. He was so undeniably aroused now and he didn't know if he could torture Bill any longer as he had promised. Bill was much too arousing when he lying naked beneath Tom, thrusting urgently because he wanted Tom so badly, because he needed him.  
Tom kissed down Bill's spine, tonguing each bump of his vertabre until he reached his tailbone again.  
“Tom...” Bill groaned. “Please, don't do it again, please...”  
Tom reached for the lube again, applying it first to his fingers and then to Bill. His spread it over Bill's entrance, making Bill moan. He slipped his fingers in once more, rubbing slowly until Bill opened to him again.  
“Tom...” Bill gasped, “Please, put it in me, please...”  
“You want it?” Tom asked, although he knew the answer.  
“Yes, damnit.” Bill replied and Tom suppressed a smirk.  
“How do you want?” He asked.  
Bill breathed quickly in the silence before he whispered. “On my hands and knees. I want you behind me.... like an animal. I want you so hard, Tomi...”  
Tom drew back and lifted him up into position. “I'm gonna give it to you hard.” He promised, guiding his cock between Bill's buttocks. Bill bent his head and braced himself as Tom pressed into him. He went into him slowly, making Bill groan, until his hips were seated against Bill's ass. He grabbed onto Bill's hips and whispered, “Hold on tight, baby.”  
“Yes...” Bill whispered and braced himself against the mattress.  
Tom pulled back and began to drive into him, slamming into him with out inhibitions. His hips slapped hard against Bill's ass, their bodies connecting loudly in the otherwise silence of the hotel room.  
“Fuck, yes!” Bill cried, going down on his elbows as Tom came into him harder and harder. His body squeezed around Tom's and Tom bent his head with a moan. He could see his cock going in and out of Bill's tight, little hole, the flesh stretched about him tautly. It was almost too erotic to watch and Tom found himself very close to the edge in a short amount of time.  
“Yes, Tom, yes... its so good...” Bill groaned, his hips rocking back against Tom's. His back curved deliciously and Tom slid his hand down the curvature of his spine, pressing him down into the mattress with a hand between his shoulder blades. Bill could hardly move as Tom slammed into him over and over again. He was hitting Bill's prostate like a battering ram, pushing them both towards the climax at an uncontrollable rate.  
“Yes, Tomi, yes!” Bill cried out as the bed began to screech in protest. The headboard was just beginning to bang when Tom exploded into him. He cried out, jerking hard against Bill's body as he ejaculated into him. He collapsed to the side and Bill rolled on to his back. Tom was breathing hard, his limbs feeling like jelly, when he noticed that Bill was still hard.  
“Shit.” He said, forcing himself up. “Did you not come? Did I go too fast?”  
“No, no...” Bill said, and his cheeks reddened quickly. He bit his lip, and glanced away saying, “I came earlier... like three thrusts in.”  
“Oh.” Tom said, feeling a smile on his lips. “I didn't know...”  
Bill shrugged. “I told you I wanted to come.”  
Tom smiled wider, “So you're.. ready to go again?”  
Bill's eyelashes beat furiously against his cheeks and wiggled closer to Tom. “I'm always ready for you, Tomi.”  
Tom pulled him closer and he forgot about being tired. He even tried to forget about why they were awake in the first place.


	14. New Days and Old Faces

For the first time in years, the light of the sun shining through the window meant a fresh, new day to Bill. Almost every other morning for the past two and a half years, his first thoughts had been, Same shit, different day. This morning, he couldn't dwell on such pessimistic musings.   
He rolled over and found Tom still asleep. He smiled and stroked his cheek. The poor man was probably exhausted from last night's pursuits. Bill slid onto his back and stretched his arms over his head, moaning quietly when an ache went through him. He relaxed back against the bed, not wanting to move out of the sheer pleasure of his overworked body. He tried to remember how many times they had done it last night, and lost count. It had all been too good, too good to stop.   
Bill paused when he also remembered their midnight discussion. Tom wanted him to face his past and a part of Bill also wanted that. Tom didn't know how many times he had dreamed about taking down his father or hugging his mother again. He had, had dreams about being a boy again and sitting on her lap as she sang to him and stroked his hair. It was one of the few good memories he still had from childhood and he wanted it immortalized forever.   
Bill rose from the bed, determined to forget about the depressing talk. Tom had said he wasn't going to force him and as far as Bill could see, Tom wanted to bask in the new level of their relationship just as much as Bill. That meant more sex – a lot more.   
Bill felt a smile on his lips and he felt giddy enough to jump from foot to foot and clap his hands. Tom was a better lover than he could've ever imagined. When he had first spotted him at the bar, Bill had found him attractive and desirable, and those feelings had only grown. Last night, however, had blown all his expectations out of the water. Fantasy couldn't have compared. The fact that Tom loved him was the thick icing on top of a very delicious cake.   
Bill skipped to the shower, humming, and thinking about what the day would be like. He laughed aloud as sex came up on the imaginary itinerary several times.   
He had managed to take shampoo and conditioner and body wash from the Rainbow and he sat them in the shower alongside Tom's. As he turned on the water, he picked up some of Tom's bottles and opened the caps to take a sniff. He smiled at the wonderful scent and replaced the bottles.   
He found himself humming again as he soaped up his hair. He closed his eyes and graduated to singing, his voice rising louder against the small, enclosing space of the shower. The first song that came to his mind was “Don't Worry Baby.” He had sang that to Tom in the car right before Tom had told him that he loved him at the ice cream shop.   
Bill was so absorbed in the song that he didn't hear the bathroom door open. He jumped back and gave a cry when the shower curtain was torn aside.   
“Tom!” He cried, clutching his chest. “You nearly gave me a heart attack!”  
Tom was grinning as he climbed inside, shutting them in together. “I heard you singing in here and I wanted a closer observation.” Tom replied, crowding Bill up against the wall. Bill smiled back and draped his arms over Tom's shoulders.   
“You wanted to observe my singing or my showering?”  
Tom scraped his teeth over his lower lip, a twinkle in his dark eyes. “Maybe a little of both.” He said in a low voice. He ran his eyes deliberately down Bill's naked body. “I think I like you all wet.”  
“Mmm.” Bill replied as Tom's mouth closed in. They kissed slowly and Bill didn't care that neither of them had made use of the the toothpaste. He tasted like Tom and sex and it was wonderful.   
“Are you going to take me in the shower?” He asked as their lips parted.  
“Do you want me to?” Tom asked, although his hands were already roaming over Bill's body.   
“I think you're going to no matter what I say.” Bill returned, arching his hips towards Tom and wiggling against him.   
“Well...” Tom said, drawing his lips down Bill's neck and kissing softly. “The lube it out on the counter if you want to.”  
“A little presumptuous of you, don't you think?” Bill asked, although his was angling his cock into Tom's waiting hand.   
“This erection could be a little presumptuous too.” Tom replied, circling Bill's hardening cock with his fingers, and pulling slightly. Bill didn't respond this time. He just moaned, thrusting his cock into Tom's hand. The pleasure rose up as if Tom's fingers were a magnet with an opposite charge. Within moments, Tom was working a fully aroused cock in his hand.  
“Tom...” Bill gasped. “Get... get the lube.”  
Tom pulled away from him and reached out of the shower curtain to grab the bottle. He turned away from the spray of the shower as he applied it quickly to himself. He capped the bottle and tossed it away before pulling Bill up against him. He pressed him up against the wall and lifted his legs around his waist. Bill groaned as his cock pierced him. There was an ache inside him, but it seemed to only be soothed by more – more of making love to Tom.   
Tom began to thrust into him, quick and hard. Bill had never been with someone who could find his prostate as accurately and as often as Tom did. Bill chose to believe that it was because they belonged together.   
He fucked Bill into wall, driving them both towards the orgasm with steady, hard thrusts. Bill grasped at the wall and Tom's shoulders, his flailing hand sending bottles of a shampoo and conditioner flying to the floor.  
“Yes, oh, yes, Tom!” He cried as Tom battered his prostate again and again. He could already feel himself coming apart at the seems and moaned louder, his cries rising about the pounding of the shower on the floor.   
Tom's voice joined his and they both rushed headlong towards the climax. In barely two minutes, Bill found himself falling into the abyss of pleasure again. He couldn't get sick of it; in fact, he couldn't get enough. He moaned and panted desperately as he ejaculated hard, his cum spraying both of their stomachs. He felt Tom come inside him, and then slowly collapse, dragging them both to the floor. They lay in a heap of tangled arms and legs, hardly moving.  
“That was... so good.” Bill managed between heavy breaths.   
“I could stay in you forever.” Tom said, rolling over and kissing Bill's shoulder.   
“I wish.” Bill replied. “Ugh, you have to get out.”  
Tom lifted his head. “Why?”  
“Because.” Bill replied. “You've come in me like ten times in the past few hours. I need to... clean up.”  
Tom stared at him for a moment before his cheeks reddened and he nodded. “Oh, okay.”  
Bill smiled at Tom's ignorance and pulled himself up off the floor. Tom followed and delivered one last kiss to Bill's lips. “Don't take too long.”   
“I won't.” Bill replied.  
“I still want some hot water for my shower.” Tom called back as he stepped out.   
“You'll have it!” Bill shouted after him as he heard the door shut. He laughed to himself and leaned back against the wall, smiling dumbly for a few moments. Was this really his life? He couldn't believe it. It was still almost too good to be true.   
He finished his shower and grooming, taking extra time to make sure that everything was shaven precisely. He did his best to clean himself without any of the tools he usually had at his loft in the Rainbow. He made a mental note to go back again and take the rest of his things.   
He was dressing himself when he heard voices outside the bathroom. He frowned, listening closer. He thought that it was the TV at first, but then he detected the deep tone and lilt of Tom's voice. He struggled faster into his clothes when he heard a woman's voice respond. He ran his fingers through his wet hair and yanked the bathroom door open. He stepped out and the sight that met his eyes made him freeze. His knees felt weak and he could feel his heart racing. His mind spun as he stepped out of the bathroom, closer to the front door. They both turned to stare at him and Bill whispered, “Mama?”

~

Simone Trumper was standing in the doorway. The fact registered slowly in Tom's mind when he opened the door. He hadn't expected her to turn up in LA, although she had hinted at it when they spoke on the phone. Tom reminded himself to never doubt a mother's love and devotion to her child. This alone, made nausea roll in waves through his stomach.   
She told Tom that she had been to the Rainbow and that Bill wasn't there. She had come here, hoping that Tom would know where he had gone to. He stood in the doorway, giving weak answers, hoping to God that Bill would not come out of that bathroom. What would Simone do if she realized that Tom had been hiding Bill from her for over a week now – and that he had developed a very intimate relationship with him in that time?  
“I was actually going to go back to Berlin soon.” Tom was saying. The words sounded hollow in his ears, and he wondered if it were best to lie to Simone. He heard the shower shut off and dread coiled in his stomach. “I'm sorry.” He said.  
Simone nodded, her hands twisting in front of her. Sorrow was written on her features and a pang of guilt washed over him. It wasn't fair to keep her away from Bill.   
He suddenly heard the door to the bathroom open and they both turned. Bill stepped out and Tom saw the recognition flash on his features. He froze in the doorway, his lips parted slightly, his dark eyes round. He could almost see him quiver even from this distance.  
“Mama?” He whispered, and his voice sounded thin and weak.   
Tom's eyes swung back to Simone and he could see that she was in shock. She stared at Bill for several long seconds, as if unable to comprehend his appearance in Tom's hotel room, in his bathroom no less.   
“What...?” She began, her eyes returning to Tom.   
“Mrs. Trumper...” Tom started, and then stopped. He couldn't find the words that would make this situation go away.   
“You lied to me?” She whispered, her brow furrowing.   
“Mama...” Bill crossed the room, and Tom could see that his face was pale. “What are you doing here?”  
“I came for you.” She replied, tears entering her voice. Bill stopped a few feet away from her, stiffening. Simone closed the distance, wrapping her arms around Bill's neck and clinging to him. Bill stared over her shoulder at Tom. He blinked quickly, his lips moving without sound. His arms remained limp at his sides even as Simone hugged him.   
“You told her?” Bill asked at last. “Why?”  
“She's your mother, Bill, and she hired me. I was bound by our contract to tell her where you were when I found you.” Tom tried to explain.   
Bill shook his head slowly, still not responding to Simone. Simone drew back and lifted a hand to stroke his cheek. “Baby?” She whispered, looking into his confused eyes. He looked at her and then at Tom.   
“I said I wasn't going back.” He began to back away, and Tom could see the tears and the fear filling his eyes. “I said I couldn't.”  
“Bill..” Tom stepped forward, worried that Bill was about to bolt. “No one said you were going back.”  
“What is going on here?” Simone asked, sounding fearful and distasteful all at the same time. “Why is he here? Why did you lie to me?”  
“Mrs. Trumper...” Tom said, finding himself suddenly between the two distraught Trumpers, holding a hand out to each.   
“I don't understand.” Simone said, her voice rising.  
“Tom, please,” Bill whispered. “I can't do this.”  
“Maybe it isn't time.” Tom said, taking in Bill's pale visage and then turning back to Simone.   
“Time for what?” Simone asked, tears boiling in her eyes. “Its time for me to have my son back!”  
“Maybe you should give him time.” Tom said, turning fully to Simone and putting Bill behind his back. Bill clung to his shirt and Tom could feel him shaking.   
“Bill...” Simone groaned, her eyes moving over to Bill. “Please...” When Bill didn't respond she turned back to Tom. “What have you done?” She asked poisonously.   
“Nothing.” Tom returned, his jaw clenched. “He's not ready to go back. I told you that before. And I'm sorry.”  
“How long did you lie to me for?” She asked, a tear streaking down her cheek. “How long did you pretend to be looking for him while you were...” She struggled for words but Tom knew what she was implying.   
“Please, Mr. Trumper,” Tom said, “This isn't about our contract anymore.”  
Simone shook her head, another tear streaking down her cheek. She didn't say another word. Instead she found a piece of paper and a pen and scribbled on the pad. “This is where I'm staying.” She said, directing her words to Bill this time. “Whenever you're ready.” Then she was gone, leaving them alone in the hotel room. 

~  
Bill paced around the hotel room, in shock. Tom watched him from the bed, looking worried.   
He couldn't believe that his mother had shown up in LA. He could hardly wrap his mind around the fact, especially when she had shown up out of nowhere. He hadn't seen her in two and a half years, and their sudden meeting had been a jolt. In the back of his mind he realized that he should have been overjoyed to see her. He should've run to her with open arms, cried tears of joy. Instead, he had stood there and not said a word, unable to reciprocate her affection.   
What was more, was that she was now angry with Tom for lying to her about Bill's whereabouts. She couldn't possibly understand their whirlwind romance, but right now, Tom was the most important person in Bill's life. He couldn't see himself returning to Magdeburg and living a normal life with his family after everything that had happened. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to go back to Germany, period.   
“Bill..” Tom's voice prodded him out of his thoughts. “Bill!”  
“What?” Bill spun around. He had a panicky feeling in his chest, quivering there, ready to explode.   
“Please, come sit.” Tom patted the mattress next to him, his gaze sympathetic. Bill drew in a breath and went over to him. He slouched down onto the mattress, his knees feeling weak. Tom reached over and took his hand, and Bill breathed in and out slowly. Yes, this was what he needed. He needed Tom to hold and calm him, tell him it was okay.   
“I'm sorry. I should've told you that I told her...” Tom said, quietly. “I did it when you left. I wasn't thinking.”  
Bill shook his head. “I don't blame you, Tomi. Fuck, I don't even blame my mother.” He pressed his eyes shut and lifted his free hand to his face. “You had an obligation to tell her.”  
“I know. But I didn't think she would come here.”  
Bill lifted his head. “I'm not mad she's here, Tom.”  
Tom frowned. “I don't understand.”  
Bill sighed. “It's complicated.”  
“I know that.” Tom said, stroking his thumb over the back of Bill's hand slowly.   
“I was just in shock, but...” He stared off into the distance. “I was happy to see her. I should've done something... other than just stand there.”  
“You just need some time.” Tom said, pulling Bill towards him. Bill leaned into his shoulder and pressed his nose against Tom's neck, breathing in the scent. He let out a sigh.   
“I need more time with you.” He whispered. “You make me feel better.” Tom kissed the top of his head and Bill murmured, “Make me feel better, Tomi.”  
Tom leaned them back on the bed and bent over Bill. He looked into his eyes and stroked Bill's cheek in that way he knew so well. Bill's eyes fluttered shut as Tom pressed his lips against his. He slid his hand up into Tom's hair and held him close as their lips met over and over again. Tom slipped his tongue into Bill's mouth and stroked over his palate before toying with Bill's tongue stud. Bill moaned against him, tilting his hips towards Tom's.   
“Want... want you...” He managed to say between Tom's heavy kisses. He reached his hand down to grab at Tom's cock through his pants, but Tom deterred him, grabbing his wrist and pinning it to the bed. With Tom lying on his other arm, Bill couldn't make another move. “Tomi...” He moaned as Tom continued to sweetly ravage his mouth. He kissed Bill's until his lips were swollen and his mouth was watering for more, more, more...  
He pulled back at last, looking down lovingly into Bill's eyes.   
“I want you.” Bill repeated, tugging at Tom's hold on his wrist. Tom leaned down, placing soft, chaste kisses on Bill's lower lip, down his chin and over his jaw. His breath blew hotly over Bill's flesh with each one and Bill could feel his pulse racing faster.  
“What do you want?” Tom questioned, his voice low. Bill shivered beneath him, going weak against Tom's hold.   
“I want you... all over me.” Bill gasped out as Tom went lower, sliding his tongue out to lick along Bill's collarbone. “Then I want you in me... deep and slow... until we both come...” Bill groaned as Tom's tongue circled the hollow at the base of his neck.   
“All over?” Tom repeated as he released Bill's hand in order to slid his palm under the edge of Bill's shirt. The warmth of his flesh rode up Bill's quivering stomach until he reached the hardened point of one nipple. He rubbed at his slowly with his fingertips, searing an ache into Bill's flesh.   
“Oh, yes...” Bill groaned in response. His nipple stung when Tom pinched it quickly, before giving it a loving stroke. He moved from his position beside Bill until he was between his legs, bending over him. He slid Bill's shirt up his chest and Bill tossed it all the way off, leaving his heaving chest bare. Tom leaned down and pressed kisses against Bill's stomach, working his way up until he reached Bill's nipple again. He closed his mouth around the jutting flesh and Bill moaned, his fingernails digging into the mattress. His body sang with the sensation as Tom swirled his tongue around the tight peak, leaving it wet and aching. He moved to the opposite one, letting his teeth scrape a little. Bill squirmed beneath him, his cock growing harder with each passing second until he was fully erect and fighting against the confines of his pants.   
“Tom, oh, Tomi, please...” He whispered, staring up at the ceiling, dazed with pleasure.   
Tom went back down, his fingers trailing along Bill's hips until he found the button of his jeans. He opened them and slid the zipper down before hooking his fingers under the waistband of both his pants and his boyshorts. He pulled them down slowly, releasing Bill's cock to stand up against his stomach. He pulled the articles of clothing down Bill's long legs and tossed them over the edge of the bed in the pile with his shirt. Bill sprawled his legs out on either side of Tom, laying out everything for his viewing. He gazed heatedly up at Tom, watching Tom's dark, desirous expression.   
Tom laid his hands down on Bill's knees, pushing his legs apart wider until Bill groaned. Yes, yes, yes... Take everything... The thoughts pounded through Bill's brain and all he could see was Tom. He couldn't think about anything outside of this room; he couldn't think about his mother or any of his other problems. And it was just as he preferred.   
Tom's hands slid up Bill's thighs until they were on either side of his cock. He circled Bill with one hand, rubbing up and down his base slowly. Bill moaned, arching against the bed. His could barely keep his eyes open as Tom bent down. His hot breath washed over Bill's tip and Bill felt his heart rate speed up. He tried not to lift his hips excitedly as Tom's lips brushed over him. They were warm and soft, the heat radiating from between them inviting and exquisite.   
“Oh, Tom...” Bill whispered. He lifted a weak hand from the mattress and laid it on Tom's head, stroking the soft hair.   
Tom's mouth closed around him and Bill bit down on his lip. Pleasure quivered in his stomach and he felt his groin tighten. He let out a hissing breath as Tom sucked slowly at his head. His hand continued to stroke at his base as if in afterthought, but it only added to the pleasure soaring through Bill's chest.   
“Oh, Tomi, you feel so good...” Bill whispered his praise. Tom sucked him a little harder, pulling him deeper. Bill groaned, his fingers tightening in Tom's hair. His tongue was stroking so good, the wet heat of his mouth massaging him closer and closer to orgasm. Already, Bill could feel the climax winding up in his stomach, coiling and ready to strike. “So good... so good...” He chanted, pulsing his hips slowly against Tom's mouth. He pulled his eyes open, wanting to see his cock going between those beautiful lips. He shuddered when he saw it, the image sending intense waves of pleasure over him.   
“Oh, Tomi!” He cried, his head falling back against the mattress. His heels pressed down against the frame of the bed and he tried not to thrust too wildly into Tom's mouth. He gasped when he felt Tom grab his hips and slam him back down. A thrill of desire and excitement went through him everytime Tom forced him to do it his way and Bill lay shivering beneath him while Tom continued to plunder him. His fingers dug into Bill's hips and he worked his mouth quickly over Bill's cock, taking him in and out, in and out.   
Bill cried out and thrashed beneath him as a stronger wave of pleasure passed over him. His lower regions tensed and Bill felt the orgasm coming like he could see a wave about to break upon the shore. His body rose up and his mouth stretched open. It took a moment for the sound to emit and it passed his lips in the form a ragged, rasping cry. He clutched at Tom's hair and shoulder as the pleasure swooped down upon him. His cock pulsed inside Tom's mouth and Bill watched as Tom pulled back in time for Bill's come to splash over his lips and chin, painting him prettily right down to his neck.   
Bill collapsed against the bed, his body throbbing, his heart thudding heavily in his chest. He felt weak, completely despoiled.  
“Oh, Tomi...” He whispered once more, reaching out blindly. He forced his eyes open and found Tom wiping his chin and tossing the Kleenex away. He leaned down over Bill and kissed his lips. Bill could still taste the remnance of his cum and he sucked at Tom's lower lip, “God, that was so...”  
“What makes you think I'm done with you?” Tom asked and Bill's eyes widened as he looked up at Tom. Tom moved away before Bill could say anything and Bill watched him find the lube. His heart fluttered in excitement as he realized he was about to be pillaged all over again.   
“I like it when you hold me down.” He whispered as Tom returned. Tom stilled for a moment and Bill could see his brow crease. “It turns me on.” He said, watching Tom with half-lidded eyes. He could see Tom's throat bob and he reached out a hand towards him. Tom's eyes met his, dark with that animalistic desire that Bill had learned to recognize. He moved swiftly upon him and pushed him onto his side. He grabbed Bill's thigh and pushed it up against his chest, leaving his entrance open and vulnerable.   
“Oh...” Bill whispered as Tom's lube wet fingers found him. He slid up against Bill's back, his lips pressing open mouth kisses against Bill's shoulder as his fingers probed between his buttocks. Bill arched his hips back as Tom's middle finger pressed into him. “Oh, yes, Tomi, yes... More... I need more...” Tom quickly pushed his index in with the middle one and they pumped in together. Bill writhed, his desire quickly mounting once more. He needed more than this... He needed Tom in him- he need it now.   
“Tom, please... I want you...” He groaned. “I want you in me now.”  
Tom's fingers slowed to barely moving, “Are you ready?” He asked, his voice rough with desire in Bill's ear.   
“I want you, please.” Bill repeated, ignoring the question. He wanted Tom's cock in him, pushing back his resistance, making it ache, making it throb.   
Tom's fingers slid away and Bill waited impatiently as Tom slicked his cock with the lube. He pressed himself back up against Bill, spooning him tightly, as he guided his cock between Bill's buttocks. His hips pushed forward and Bill gasped as his tight, unprepared body took in Tom's cock. His cry dwindled into a moan as he felt Tom pierce him deeper, feeling larger than normal with the small amount of prep he had done. But it felt good, it felt so good.   
“Yes, Tomi, yes...” He groaned, arching his hips back towards Tom.  
Tom moaned quietly, “Oh, Bill, you're so tight.  
His words sent a thrill of pleasure though Bill and clenched around Tom, squeezing his cock tightly inside his body. Tom groaned louder, his hips beginning to rock. Their position on their sides lasted for a hardly a minute before Tom was hauling him up on his hand and knees and driving into him harder. He went faster, their bodies smacking against each other and causing the bed to protest loudly.   
“Yes, Tomi, yes!” Bill shouted, his voice rising with pleasure as Tom began to hammer into him, his cock riding along Bill's prostate for the better part of the time. He fell down to his elbows, his fingers clawing at the mattress as Tom came into him over and over. Bill spread his knees wider, jerking himself back against Tom's thrusts. He could feel his cock smacking his stomach, the flesh completely hard and demandingly red. Unlike last time, however, he had already come once, and he was going to have to work for this one.   
Tom slid his arm around Bill's waist, pulling him up sharply, nearly lifting his knees off the bed as he forced him back onto his cock. Bill moaned Tom's name over and over, his body quivering and spasming each time Tom found his prostate.   
Bill cried out when he felt Tom's come inside him, shooting deep into him. Tom shuddered and groaned, his hips slowing as he leaned heavily over Bill's body. He stayed inside him and Bill could feel that he was still hard. His heart jumped when he felt Tom's hips begin to pulse against him again.   
“Yes, yes...” He whispered as Tom pushed him down on his stomach and spread his legs apart and began to thrust into him again. His hand pressed between Bill's shoulder blades, pinning him to the bed as he began to fuck hard in between Bill's wide spread legs once more.   
“Oh, Tomi... yes, fuck me again...” Bill groaned. He could feel Tom's cock plunging into the hot cum he had just released, making the most wet, erotic noises that Bill had ever heard. Some of if spilled from his body, panting his thighs and the sheets.   
Bill groaned, rutting his hard cock into the mattress as Tom came into him, even harder this time. He leaned over Bill's body, his head bent low enough for Bill to feel the wash of his labored breaths on his neck.   
Bill moaned unintelligably, a mixture of explectives and Tom's name until he felt the pleasure coming closer than the torturous distance it had stayed at previously. He gasped and thrust harder, wanting to push up off the mattress and shove back harder on Tom's cock. Tom's hand held him down, however and Bill felt himself explode bewteen his stomach and the sheets. His cum swelled hotly beneath him and he groaned as Tom pounded into him several more times before he spilled a second load down Bill's ass.   
They both collapsed with Bill still on his stomach and Tom on his back next to him. Bill could see his chest rising and falling sharply and hear his heavy breathing.   
“That was so good, Tomi.” Bill groaned, hardly able to move. Tom looked over him, a weak hand lifting to brush his knuckles over Bill's cheek.   
“Its always good when its with you.” He whispered. Bill rolled over and into his arms. He was slick with cum all over, but Tom accepted him into his arms without protest.   
They lay in silence for a long time before at last Bill whispered, “If you come with me, I'll go see my mother.”  
“I don't think she wants to see me, Bill.” Tom replied.  
“But I'll never have the courage if you don't.” Bill said, looking up at him with wide eyes. “And I'm never leaving you so she's going to have to get over it.”  
“I can't really blame her.” Tom said, looking up at the ceiling. “I would be just as angry if I were her.”  
“She was the one person I never really wanted to leave.” Bill admitted quietly. “I always want  
Georg to come with me because I thought... I don't know, I really thought I loved him, but... he had responsibilities and...” He looked up at Tom and smiled softly, “He wasn't the one for me.”  
Tom kissed him softly, stroking his cheek. “I'll go with you.” He said.   
“Thank you, Tomi.” He whispered. “I love you.”  
“Forever.” Tom amended softly. “I'll love you forever.”


	15. Growing Stronger and Becoming Whole

Bill and Tom agreed to go see Simone the day after and the next morning, Tom awoke to the sound of Bill showering. His singing drifted softly from the bathroom and Tom could detect German syllables and inflection rather than English. He smiled softly, still half asleep, as he picked up on the old lullaby. He almost went right back to sleep, but was awakened again a few minutes later when Bill emerged from the bathroom.   
“Getting ready to go?” Tom asked from the bed.   
Bill shrugged slightly. He was wearing the t-shirt of Tom's still and his boyshorts. “What should I wear?” He asked, turning to Tom as he riffled through a drawer that he had claimed as his. “I don't know... None of this seems... right. Its too flashy – or slutty.”  
“Bill...” Tom said, sitting up in the bed.   
“What?” Bill asked, turning about. He heaved a sigh. “I haven't seen her in two years. Forgive me if I'm terrified.” He wrung his hands in front of him and then began to pick at the black nail polish. “Maybe I should take this off.... Maybe I shouldn't wear my makeup.”  
“I think you should go as you are.” Tom said, seriously. “You may not be the same person who left Magdeburg, but you're still her son. And she's going to love you no matter how you look.”  
Bill shrugged. “I don't know.” He turned around and looked through the drawer once more.  
Tom sighed and got up from the bed. He came up behind Bill and wrapped his arms around his waist. Placing a soft kiss behind his ear, he advised once more, “You're beautiful, just the way you are. And she's going to see that.”  
Bill bit his lip and fit his hands over Tom's. “I just want to stay with you.” He whispered.  
“Look, I'm not trying to force you, but we agreed to go today – and we're going.” He pulled his hands back and gave Bill's hips a squeeze. “Now, get dressed.”  
Bill sighed. “How do you know this is going to make it better?”  
“Because I know that running from your fears isn't going to fix things.”   
Bill turned about, his brow furrowed, “How do you know?”  
Tom was silent for a moment before he sat down on the edge of the bed. He patted the edge, “Come here.”  
Bill left the dresser and sat down next to Tom. “What is it?” He asked, reaching out to take Tom's hand.   
“You remember I told you about my wife.” He said, rubbing his thumb over Bill's hand. He didn't know why he hadn't told Bill the whole story before, but maybe this was a just the right time.   
“Yeah.” Bill said quietly, a question in his voice.  
“I used to work for the Berlin Police Department,” Tom went on, staring down at the perfect ridges of Bill's knuckles and fingers, “And it was hard work, long days. It was really hard on our relationship because we'd only been married a few years.” Tom frowned, feeling the familiar knot of emotion rising up in his throat. Bill's hand squeezed his harder as if he could sense the end of the story. “One night we went out to dinner to try to just spend time together, but...” He cleared his throat and pushed on, “...on the way back home we got in a fight. I don't remember what we said, I can't really remember the moments before it happened.... I just remember this terrifying moment where I thought I was going to die. I took my eyes off the road for a second -” He cut off, feeling tears rising in his eyes. It had been so long, he hadn't thought that telling Bill would hit him this hard. Bill squeezed Tom's hand and leaned in closer to him. “And when I looked back, we were halfway in the opposite lane and there was a truck coming... It was too late to swerve, too late...” Tom whispered, a tear streaking down his cheek. “And when I woke up... she was gone.”  
“Tomi...” Bill's voice was a barely a whisper and he sounded shocked.   
Tom lifted his eyes to Bill's, finding them wide and wet. “I know what its like to feel responsible for someone else's life.” Tom said firmly. “But I had to learn that Fate sometimes takes us places we don't want to go, takes lives that we don't want to let go.”  
Bill's eyes filled with tears and he looked away.   
“Marc's death was an accident.” Tom said softly. “Something you couldn't possibly have controlled. When I went back to the Department, I was a mess and I couldn't cope. I struggled for a long time before I found the courage to go on with life, but I did, and trust me, your life will be so much better and happier if you can put your past behind you – and leave it there.”  
Bill's face was twisted in tears, several streaking down his cheeks. He turned into Tom's embrace and shuddered against him, his fingers holding tightly to the front of Tom's shirt. Tom wrapped his arms around him and didn't let go for the entire time it took for Bill to cry.   
At last, Bill straightened and wiped his eyes. “If you can do, I can do it.” He said, nodding quickly.   
Tom smiled and kissed him softly on the lips. “And I'll be by your side.”  
Bill grabbed his hand again and said, “I wouldn't have you anywhere else.”

~

Bill was shaking like a leaf as they ascended in the elevator. He had determined to do this, but he still felt terrified. He had been running from his old life for so long that he wasn't sure that he remembered how to act with his mother. Tom assured him over and over again that she still loved him, no matter what, and the logical part of Bill's brain knew that. The part of him that had always doubted love, anyone's love, quavered in fear.   
He held Tom's hand tightly and toyed with the necklace Tom had given him with the other hand. He rubbed his thumb over the pendant repeatedly, and tried to breath correctly. If not for the fact that Tom was holding his hand, Bill was halfway sure that he would've lost his nerve by now.   
When the doors opened, Bill balked for a moment.   
“Come on.” Tom said. “It's okay.” He squeezed Bill's hand and gave him a soft smile. After what Tom had shared with him, Bill felt a new respect and love for him, and he followed him. Keeping his eyes on Tom gave him strength.   
When they reached the room numbed that Simone had written down, Tom gestured to him. “Knock.”  
Bill bit at his lower lip and lifted his fist. He hesitated for a moment before he knocked quickly.   
His heart pounded in his chest as he waited and he squeezed Tom's hand in a death grip. He heard foosteps and and drew in a deep breath as the door opened. Simone appeared in the doorway and her expression immediately turned to shock, quickly morphing excitement, and happiness.  
“Bill...” She whispered, her honey brown eyes watering.  
Bill stared at her, swallowing hard. He didn't know if he could speak. Tom nudged him forward and Simone's eyes flitted over to him. Bill couldn't read her expression before she turned her eyes back to him.  
“Do you want to come in?” She asked, reaching out a hand. Tom disentangled his fingers from Bill's to release him to his mother and for a terrifying moment, Bill felt as if he were overboard without a flotation device. When Simone's warm, soft hand closed around his, he felt his fears come screeching to a halt. He followed her inside before his hand fully gripped hers.  
“Mama...” He whispered and she turned her, her beautiful face tilted upwards. Before Bill could think about being afraid, he pulled her into his embrace, crushing her smaller frame against his chest. She seemed shocked for a moment before her arms went around him.   
“Bill.” She murmured, her head resting on his chest. His heart was knocking, but this time, he didn't think it was fear. Maybe it was joy and happiness. Maybe it felt like coming home.

~

Simone and Bill talked for a very long time and Tom quietly excused himself. Earlier, Bill had demanded he stay the whole time, but after the initial greeting, Tom didn't think he needed anymore support. He had seen the happiness on Bill's face and it made the same feelings swell in his own chest. More than anything, he just wanted Bill to be happy and he was finally beginning to think that they were getting there.   
Hours later, Bill found Tom in the lobby, watching the TV.   
“Hey,” He said, with a smile. “I didn't mean to keep you waiting down here.”  
Tom shrugged. “Its okay. I'll wait however long you need.”  
Bill sat down next to him and laid his head on Tom's shoulder. “You're too good to me, Tomi.”  
“I try.” Tom murmured in return. “How did it go?”  
Bill was quiet for a moment before he whispered, “I feel whole again like there's this piece of me that's been missing for two years.”  
They fell into silence again before Bill murmured, “Can we go home now though? I want to make love.”  
Tom smiled. “Most certainly.”

~

Bill was cuddled against his chest, warm and soft. Tom was almost asleep after they had made love two times. He didn't think he had ever felt happier.   
Bill pulled him from the edge of sleep by whispering, “Do you want to go back to Germany?”  
Tom frowned. “Well, my office is based there. My house.”  
“I want to go back.”  
“What?” Tom almost sat up off the bed at Bill's words, wide awake now.  
“I want to go back.” Bill repeated, sitting up on the bed. Sitting Indian style, he picked at a nail before looking up determinedly at Tom, “I want to face my father.”  
“Bill...” Tom said, sitting up next to him. He struggled for words for a moment. “Really? That's... that's good.”  
Bill nodded. “I decided that I'm not going to let my guilt about Marc and my fear of my father keep me from where I really belong – with you and my mother.”  
Tom stared at him before he broke into a smile. “That's great! That's amazing!” He grabbed Bill's hands and pulled him in for a kiss. “That makes me want to make love to you again.” He whispered against his mouth.  
Bill smiled and pulled back. “I want you to lead the case against him.”  
Tom nodded quickly. “Of course. Did you talk to Simone about this?”  
Bill nodded. “Yes, when I went to see her. I didn't decide until just now.” He nodded once more. “I think we should get back as soon as possible.”  
“I'll book the flight.” Tom said, still in shock over Bill's decision. “You should call your mother.”  
“I should.” Bill said. “But I think you promised to make love to me again.”  
Tom smiled widely and pulled Bill back down on the bed, bringing their mouths together. Bill's lips were as sweet as the first time he had kissed them and Tom could never doubt how he felt about the man in his arms.   
“I love you.” He whispered, stroking Bill's cheek.   
“Forever.” Bill returned, gazing up at Tom with adoration. “Don't forget that part.”  
Tom nodded and sealed their mouths together again.   
He hadn't ever foreseen what had happened over the past few months, and he didn't know what was going to happen in the future. But he did know that it had changed his life irrevocably. It had changed it for the better and there was no place that Tom would rather be than here with Bill in his arms – forever.


End file.
